Inspiration

I really should be packing my luggage for my trip next week.. but simply no mood.. rather, I'm kinda inspired to write something tonite.. after a long hiatus..

Life has been quite hard these past 5 mths plus.. I feel tired and all messed up as well.. too tired from thinking too much, so no more brain cells left to write anything.. imagine your boss who sits next to you calls out your name like almost every other 5sec asking abt tis and tat.. totally drive me nuts.. and makes me loses the motivation to work.. that was the kinda of life I led for the 1st 3-4 mths of this year.. till the day I threw in the white towel and told my boss "look, I'm feeling pretty burnt out".. after which, the incessant calling of my name has pretty much stopped..

I gave up my interest - Japanese.. simply because I can't juggle having to do revision and homework after a long draining day at work.. thinking of picking up something else which perhaps take up less of my time.. but haven really got round to doing that since getting to sleep in on saturdays is still very much a luxury to me.. prob wait till I get bored..

Over the last 2 mths or so did I realised just how much my job had changed me.. having a super demoralised colleague whom u're close to just makes things worse.. I've become so cynical and negative in everything.. its just so wrong.. but so what even if I recognise these flaws? by staying put where I am, dun tink anything's gonna change.. but where should I move on to next? The push factors aint strong enough to push me out right now, hence I stay put.. but I feel it's not worth trading in ur life and health for the $$, fame and prestige.. a snr describes my situation as akin to being a drug addict.. knowing that the habit should be kicked but cos there's no gd reason to kick it, the withdrawal symptoms of having less $$, fame and prestige forces me to continue being sucked further into it instead...

there're lots of things that I need to decide on.. but I don't know where to start.. there's nothing but ???? in my head right now.. frens have always said that its probably bcos I have no time to sit down and think abt what I want.. is that really the case? I actually don't think so.. going away for an extended period prob can't help me reach a decision of what next either.. though I would welcome that sort of a break.. if just to regain some sanity.. probably i shd jus take off on a solo trip agn...

Back from Shanghai

What's meant to be a 3 mths posting has ended.. just after 2 weeks.. and am I glad about it!

The 2 weeks was just nightmarish! Totally drained everyday, not because of work but because of the ppl.. I'm so thankful that in Singapore, its so sheltered.. there's no need to be playing mind games and thinking so hard trying to understand the underlying meaning of things that were said, or be worried about being trapped by others' questions..

In the whole year in Singapore, I never once exercised.. in the 2 weeks in Shanghai, I went to the gym 3 times, all just because I needed an avenue to let off steam after how the ppl there cause my blood to boil..

Work aside.. wat i did most was shop.. well, being alone in Shanghai, the best way to spend my time was to shop! LoL.. I bought lots of things.. and all winter wear for that matter.. Luckily a fren was also in Shanghai on biz trip and intro me to more Singaporeans based in Shanghai.. so at least I had some company..

for now, I know I don't have to be back in Shanghai.. but I don't really know what the plans are for 2010. for a start, I'll probably be a frequent flyer to China.. but whether or not I'll eventually move there.. its too early to tell..

Posting to China

the first thing I was asked when I got to office on Monday was whether I'm keen on a short rotation to the Shanghai office.. many ppl would imagine that i would grab it straight away.. but it took me a while to rationalise and convince myself to go for it..

things that i'm worried abt:-
1. such short notice! its not like i'm going to be gone for only a week.. its estimated to be 3 mths and i was asked to leave in a couple of days time! not enough time to finish work on hand here!

2. i'm going to Shanghai without my boss! erm.. that's really daunting to me.. but i guess its time for me to learn to step out on my own?!?

3. i've to sacrifice my JLPT3 exam!!! ok, not that i'm damn well prepared for it.. but prep classes have started! sigh..

4. for there to be a need to be sent there so urgently, even the dumbest person shd be able to guess that there's loads of shit to be collected there..

5. i know boss is using this chance to test me... so i'm under damn a lot of pressure!!

6. boss really can't give me a definite date that i can come back.. he says wait till i reach there, assess the situation then decide! *faintz*

ok, enough said.. at the end of the day, i decided to challenge myself and accepted the posting.. not sure if i really know what i'm getting myself into actually.. fingers crossed and hoping for the best..

leaving on the JET PLANE on 4 Nov 09..

stay tuned for my adventures in North Asia!

Shooting Star

sitting by the beach.. I tink that thing that flew across the sky was a shooting star.. or I wished for it to be one..

as far as i can recall, i never saw a shooting star before.. that has to be the first..

and like wat everyone or at least most ppl will do.. i made a wish..

喘喘喘

最近越来越想把这里的一切放下，到一个生活步伐较慢的地方。 越来越感觉有些许喘不过来了。好怀念那虽短暂却充满欢笑的学舞日子。若能只学舞，学日语，过着轻松快乐的日子该有多棒啊！

啊！啊！啊！就在上星期因跟上司意见不合而感到非常气愤。总觉得他简直就是在崔毛求疵嘛。就因为他是上司， 我还是得恭恭敬敬地对待他，笑脸盈盈的和他“讨论”工事。过后，真是受不了了。 回到家里头就气得直骂他！大哥大嫂见我这么气，就立刻叫了家中的两颗开心果来逗我呢！幸好有他们俩逗得我笑不笼嘴！哈哈！

但是今天又碰上同样的事情。我真是受不了他。干吗就这么喜欢在骨头里挑刺嘛？真是弄得我快要喷血了！

好想把手上的东西放一边，不去理会。找个安静的地方好好想想我究竟要的是什么？是这忙碌却不开心的生活吗？但这辛辛苦苦得来的些些成绩确实好难放开呀。。。