美しき日々

Inspiration

2010-06-06T22:48:00.004+08:00

I really should be packing my luggage for my trip next week.. but simply no mood.. rather, I'm kinda inspired to write something tonite.. after a long hiatus..

Life has been quite hard these past 5 mths plus.. I feel tired and all messed up as well.. too tired from thinking too much, so no more brain cells left to write anything.. imagine your boss who sits next to you calls out your name like almost every other 5sec asking abt tis and tat.. totally drive me nuts.. and makes me loses the motivation to work.. that was the kinda of life I led for the 1st 3-4 mths of this year.. till the day I threw in the white towel and told my boss "look, I'm feeling pretty burnt out".. after which, the incessant calling of my name has pretty much stopped..

I gave up my interest - Japanese.. simply because I can't juggle having to do revision and homework after a long draining day at work.. thinking of picking up something else which perhaps take up less of my time.. but haven really got round to doing that since getting to sleep in on saturdays is still very much a luxury to me.. prob wait till I get bored..

Over the last 2 mths or so did I realised just how much my job had changed me.. having a super demoralised colleague whom u're close to just makes things worse.. I've become so cynical and negative in everything.. its just so wrong.. but so what even if I recognise these flaws? by staying put where I am, dun tink anything's gonna change.. but where should I move on to next? The push factors aint strong enough to push me out right now, hence I stay put.. but I feel it's not worth trading in ur life and health for the $$, fame and prestige.. a snr describes my situation as akin to being a drug addict.. knowing that the habit should be kicked but cos there's no gd reason to kick it, the withdrawal symptoms of having less $$, fame and prestige forces me to continue being sucked further into it instead...

there're lots of things that I need to decide on.. but I don't know where to start.. there's nothing but ???? in my head right now.. frens have always said that its probably bcos I have no time to sit down and think abt what I want.. is that really the case? I actually don't think so.. going away for an extended period prob can't help me reach a decision of what next either.. though I would welcome that sort of a break.. if just to regain some sanity.. probably i shd jus take off on a solo trip agn...

Back from Shanghai

2009-11-23T23:08:00.003+08:00

What's meant to be a 3 mths posting has ended.. just after 2 weeks.. and am I glad about it!

The 2 weeks was just nightmarish! Totally drained everyday, not because of work but because of the ppl.. I'm so thankful that in Singapore, its so sheltered.. there's no need to be playing mind games and thinking so hard trying to understand the underlying meaning of things that were said, or be worried about being trapped by others' questions..

In the whole year in Singapore, I never once exercised.. in the 2 weeks in Shanghai, I went to the gym 3 times, all just because I needed an avenue to let off steam after how the ppl there cause my blood to boil..

Work aside.. wat i did most was shop.. well, being alone in Shanghai, the best way to spend my time was to shop! LoL.. I bought lots of things.. and all winter wear for that matter.. Luckily a fren was also in Shanghai on biz trip and intro me to more Singaporeans based in Shanghai.. so at least I had some company..

for now, I know I don't have to be back in Shanghai.. but I don't really know what the plans are for 2010. for a start, I'll probably be a frequent flyer to China.. but whether or not I'll eventually move there.. its too early to tell..

Posting to China

2009-10-29T21:27:00.003+08:00

the first thing I was asked when I got to office on Monday was whether I'm keen on a short rotation to the Shanghai office.. many ppl would imagine that i would grab it straight away.. but it took me a while to rationalise and convince myself to go for it..

things that i'm worried abt:-
1. such short notice! its not like i'm going to be gone for only a week.. its estimated to be 3 mths and i was asked to leave in a couple of days time! not enough time to finish work on hand here!

2. i'm going to Shanghai without my boss! erm.. that's really daunting to me.. but i guess its time for me to learn to step out on my own?!?

3. i've to sacrifice my JLPT3 exam!!! ok, not that i'm damn well prepared for it.. but prep classes have started! sigh..

4. for there to be a need to be sent there so urgently, even the dumbest person shd be able to guess that there's loads of shit to be collected there..

5. i know boss is using this chance to test me... so i'm under damn a lot of pressure!!

6. boss really can't give me a definite date that i can come back.. he says wait till i reach there, assess the situation then decide! *faintz*

ok, enough said.. at the end of the day, i decided to challenge myself and accepted the posting.. not sure if i really know what i'm getting myself into actually.. fingers crossed and hoping for the best..

leaving on the JET PLANE on 4 Nov 09..

stay tuned for my adventures in North Asia!

Shooting Star

2009-10-28T02:00:00.000+08:00

sitting by the beach.. I tink that thing that flew across the sky was a shooting star.. or I wished for it to be one..

as far as i can recall, i never saw a shooting star before.. that has to be the first..

and like wat everyone or at least most ppl will do.. i made a wish..

喘喘喘

2009-09-03T22:29:00.003+08:00

最近越来越想把这里的一切放下，到一个生活步伐较慢的地方。越来越感觉有些许喘不过来了。好怀念那虽短暂却充满欢笑的学舞日子。若能只学舞，学日语，过着轻松快乐的日子该有多棒啊！

啊！啊！啊！就在上星期因跟上司意见不合而感到非常气愤。总觉得他简直就是在崔毛求疵嘛。就因为他是上司，我还是得恭恭敬敬地对待他，笑脸盈盈的和他“讨论”工事。过后，真是受不了了。回到家里头就气得直骂他！大哥大嫂见我这么气，就立刻叫了家中的两颗开心果来逗我呢！幸好有他们俩逗得我笑不笼嘴！哈哈！

但是今天又碰上同样的事情。我真是受不了他。干吗就这么喜欢在骨头里挑刺嘛？真是弄得我快要喷血了！

好想把手上的东西放一边，不去理会。找个安静的地方好好想想我究竟要的是什么？是这忙碌却不开心的生活吗？但这辛辛苦苦得来的些些成绩确实好难放开呀。。。

Re-living the good ol' days

2009-08-23T00:11:00.002+08:00

Loads of fun and laughter tdy! It was pretty much like going back to the good ol' school days.. it all began with a bdae celebration for a fren at MACDONALD! This was to fulfil the bdae wish of the bdae gal since she never held any celebration at Mac when she was a kid. A very novel idea indeed! But the sleepy me, overslept and arrived so late that they were almost done with playing games.. But I saved the day for 1 of the group by providing a MP3 player.. LoL.. oohh, and paw got her car! i wan one too.. jus for the convenience...

then we left for kallang leisure park to catch a movie.. we chose KLP because we knew that its ulu enough for us to be able to get tix upon getting there even on a sat.. aft some discussions, we settled on watching Jack Neo's latest production - Where got Ghost? I've never been a huge fan of his productions because I don't think they're worth catching at the cinemas and they are typically very lame.. but just went along with the rest.. i can't recall when was the last time i went to the movies with such a huge group! 9 of us in all! over coffee, we started chatting abt the kind of part-time jobs we had done before.. mine were so boring.. all the office-kind.. theirs were the more fun kind.. working in pubs, serving beer, mac, waiter etc.. thinking back, shd have tried those stuff then.. that was prob the only age where one could have fun in such roles.. being in KLP with such a big grp reminds me of sec sch days.. KLP was one of our fave haunts.. esp the bubble tea place that serves minced meat rice..

aft movie, they headed for dbl o.. but i din join them cos i'm jus too tired... ...

Its still BRIGHT!

2009-08-18T23:57:00.002+08:00

I'm currently on training.. the joy of external training which is offsite.. being able to get off on time and go home while its still bright!

Everybody gives me the unbelievable look when I tell them my training is held in Sentosa! Its been a great 2 days in Sentosa.. with another 11 more days to come.. heehee.. really enjoy it when a work day ends at bout 530/6pm.. maybe one of the days, I shall go stroll down the beach to catch the sunset.. tis is wat worklife ought to be like!!

Weekend at Pulau Subar Sarat

2009-08-04T22:55:00.005+08:00

Vincent had kindly organised this getaway to Sister Island and I happily tagged along. Everything had been taken care of - from applying for permit, logistics, food, games.. all I had to do was to bring myself there.. =)

But I had so wanted to pull out of the trip at the eleventh hour because I hadn't had proper rest over the last 2 weeks and I knew I wouldn't get much sleep out in the open. Also, there was just so much work that I ought to complete over the weekend.

I'm so glad I stuck to the plan and went ahead! I contemplated bringing work along, but thot betta and left that behind. It was a much welcome getaway from the hustle and bustle of city life! It felt so wonderful the moment the boat moved off. The sea breeze was refreshing under the sunny sky. When we got to small sis island, we were the only ones there! Our private island for the weekend. Splendid!

Perhaps being on the island made it difficult for me to feel the stress at work. As I sat at the breakwater chatting away with friends, listening to the waves gently falling against the rocks and watching the sunset.. I felt peace.. and wished the weekend would not end. Dinner was sumptuous. Really, I was only expecting something like instant noodles for dinner. I was pleasantly surprise! We had all the typical bbq food like chicken wings, sausages, nuggets, prawns, potatoes, yam, corn and for a balance diet, vegetable soup (incl. mushrooms, prawns, dofu). I was amazed by the food I/C. It was certainly a very satisfying dinner.

After night fall, we sat waiting for the fireworks since it was the national day parade preview. Albeit small, we saw the fireworks! But none of the cameras could capture that as it was too far away. Supper was durians. I was simply amazed that they even bothered to bring durians! haha! Played brainless games in the night and laughed so hard that my sides hurt.

Mozzies and the hot weather kept most of us up through the night. But that meant we could catch the sunrise, which we did, albeit slighly late. Beautiful sunrise!

Breakfast was equally great! Peanut porridge, softboiled eggs (complete with soy sauce and pepper), toast (with kaya and butter). I don't even have such a spread at home.. LoL!

Then it was time for us bid farewell and return to the concrete jungle.. but we'll be back!

TURKIYE JUNE 09

2009-07-08T22:58:00.004+08:00

Havent blogged in a long long while... simply cos my life aint exciting enough and there's just nothing to blog abt.. *lol*

Went off for my first trip of 2009 mid-June.. to country bordered by 8 others and with a city that straddles 2 continents - the land of the Turks. Didnt have very high expectations before I left.. I really had no idea what it will be like.. only managed to do a lil reading about the country... well, you could say I was pleasantly surprised.. Shall do a short summary of the trip.. since pics are worth a thousand words, I'll leave you to enjoy the photos..

Turkey's a huge country! The distances between places are sooooo far that we spent quite a fair bit of time on the coach daily... Its also a predominantly Muslim country.. albeit not the strict kind since alcohol can be sold and consumed openly.. I was surprised by how fertile the land is.. almost everywhere is filled with all sorts of plantations.. and season after season, different kind of plants are planted one after another... amazing.. at the Grand Bazaar and the Egyptian Spice Market.. I would say about 98% of the people working there are males.. makes me wonder if the women are not allowed to work?? My knowledge of Greek Mythology has also improved after the many ancient cities that we visited to look at the ruins coupled with running commentary from our tour guide whom I thought was like a walking history textbook! The sights were really really pretty especially in Cappadocia (although my pics might not appear so because of the camera user).. but I can't say much abt the food there except that its probably an acquired taste.. weather's not as bad as I imagined it to be.. the long summer days made the pics alot more pretty with the clear blue skies and bright sunny days!

First trip I made with xuan as well.. so sweet of her to make the following collage..

We were lucky to have such fun-loving tourmates too! everyone was a photo-taking enthusiast.. snap, snap, snap.. non-stop.. result of it all? combined photos from 7 ppl.. over 6,000 shots.. it'll take me years to sort them.. hahah.. but the poor tour guide had a hard time getting us to pay attention to him instead of clicking away on our cammies..

time to plan for the next trip!!

LOOONG leave

2009-05-19T22:03:00.002+08:00

No idea why, but despite getting sufficient sleep, I went in to work yesterday feeling so tired that I couldn't even stand up straight. Basically dragged myself through the day at work.

On the cab home at the end of the day, a thought struck me... I was toying with the idea of taking 3 months no pay leave.. and perhaps spend the entire 3 months in Japan... Just feel like going away.. think I'm feeling more and more jaded.. Did a count just now, and I have enough leave to be away the whole of Dec... even if its just a month, it sounds really tempting..

Dream, dream dream....

Part 2

2009-04-03T22:36:00.003+08:00

Oh boy! Just what is wrong with me???? more stories of the *blurblur* me...

I booked movie tix for sat when I was going to catch the show on fri..
I knocked over the GLASS soap dish.. hit the basin.. guess what? one big chunk of the basin got chipped off!!! I didn't know the glass was so hard... ...

whatever's the virus that got me has probably got straight to my head and damaged it... =\

Nothing went right

2009-03-30T21:25:00.003+08:00

I really don't know what was wrong.. but nothing quite went right end of last week

In trying to save my phone from dropping onto the ground, I ended up scratching myself with my own nails.. its a really bad scratch.. fren asked if was a humie or a cat.. lol.. best thing was I dropped my phone still, later on in the day.. that scratch was for nothing..

Had kinda like a sudden stomach seizure on fri just before lunch.. but thankfully it didn't last long.. Late afternoon.. realized that someone had blundered my client's transaction at work which gave me a heart attack in trying to resolve it.. then came the huge scare.. I was standing at my colleague's cubicle when suddenly everything around me started spinning! Luckily I was quick enough to hold on to something before I fell.. Managed to regain my balance and staggered back to my seat.. but my head was spinning so badly I thought I was going to die!! couldn't really fathom what was wrong.. lack of food/water/sleep??? can't be.. I've had dizzy spells before but that was way back in secondary school days and nothing this severe.. I was wondering if it was low blood pressure but I thought that was a thing of the past too since recent trips to the doctor showed that my blood pressure was back to normal.. so I napped in the office for about half an hour..

thought I would be fine after dinner.. got betta, but could still feel the light-headedness..
thought I would be fine after a nite's rest.. but I could kinda feel something moving in my head and was still feeling faint even as I just laid in bed... this is when I knew things are worse than I had thought.. can't dismiss it, so I made a trip to the doc on sat morn..

diagnosed with virus infection that affects the mid-ear fluid balance (or something along those lines) i seem to be getting all sorts of weird diagnosis recently.. mainly virus infection of all sorts.. kinda freaking myself out over what is seriously wrong with me??? I wasn't in the right state to ask more questions in relation to the infection since all I wanted to do was go home and rest my head on a pillow..

googling about it scares me though.. but at the very least, I know I need to change dietary habits.. like staying off caffeine... Zzzzzzzzzzz

Long Long Weekend =)

2009-03-18T21:12:00.003+08:00

Looking at the no. of days of leave I have this year and also to reward myself for the hard work over the last 3 months, decided to take 2 days off and relax.. and so I did that over Mon and Tues and had a super duper long weekend.. however, what started out to be a relaxing break, turned out much otherwise.. in a good way though..

I aint too bad for someone who tried wakeboarding for the second time (the 1st time I tried was more than a yr ago!).. I could stand and lasted for quite a while.. of course I had my fair share of crashing head on into the water that really really hurts! not forgetting the arms that became so sore after the session.. After a morning of strenous exercise, I slept the rest of Sunday away.. lol

Rose at the unearthly hour of 530am on Mon to drive my bro back to camp for his reservist.. well.. he asked me to and I felt really obliged to do so because he's been such a doting bro who picks me up when I asked him to.. so bleary eyed, I took a morning drive.. got back at 7am and crashed back into bed.. bombarded with smses but I simply ignored them.. my frens were trying to reach me so that we could set off for Johor earlier.. but of course they failed.. heheh.. we were headed for Palm Resort for my first outing on the green after getting my PC.. and I sux at golf!! thankfully for the golf ball that rolls and rolls and rolls... it started pouring after we were done with hole #5.. what a thunderstorm.. drenched and miserable.. the mosquitoes came out and had their fill too.. =\ The rain lasted really long such that we didn't have time to finish the whole course.. really dead tired on the way back.. I shan't complain, since I got to nap on the car unlike the poor guy driving.. my body ached so badly, I wondered why I pay to torture myself...

Finally, a ME day to end my leave! started with a massage in the morning.. although the back hurt (prolonged hours of sitting in front of the pc resulted in stiff shoulders and bad posture resulted in backaches), I felt great after that.. could feel that all the tension had been released.. then off to get a hair trim.. i realised the hair trim took TWO HOURS only after I left the salon.. I only had 1 inch trimmed off.. and 2 hours.. lol.. not complaining because this is the salon I frequent and I think they're good (else I won't be a repeat customer).. but just wondering how they make money like that.. since the hair cut took longer than expected, I had no time to shop!! headed straight for facial.. ultimate pampering.. =p

Rejuvenated.. but wished I didn't have to go back to work!!

Most Morbid Dream

2009-02-19T22:51:00.002+08:00

I had this ultra morbid dream 2 nites back!!! I can't remember the details, but the outcome is so clearly etched in my head!!! I dreamt that my nephew died!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!! Friends close to me know how dear my nephew is to me... I cried over his death.. and it was not mere crying in my dreams. I woke up in shock only to find that the crying was for real!!

Friends say that I must be thinking of my nephew too much.. lol.. I have not seen him in 2 weeks, which is not exactly that long.. Good thing is I was told that in real life, my nephew will be very lucky and live a long life.. the opposite of my dream =)

But I really miss him.. =\

悲しい

2009-02-01T15:38:00.003+08:00

一週間を待っていた後、まだ通告を受け取らなかった。残念だし、悲しいし。今、何をするべきであるんですか？ぜんぜん分からない。。

期待

2009-01-24T22:36:00.003+08:00

嘿嘿！又想用华语了。。可能很快就能将我的“blog”改为中文的吧！其实也没什么特别的原因，只是跟随着感觉而已。。

乌龟午后时发了短讯告诉我她收到好消息了，要我去查看电子邮件。。真的真的好失望啊！为什么没有那封我期待已久的电子邮件呢？？啊啊啊啊啊啊！！　

看来我期待的东西还蛮多的。。。　。。。好难过。。。

the MOST UNDERSTANDING boss

2009-01-21T23:58:00.002+08:00

I have to say I've got the most wonderful boss I can ever ask for.. He's understanding and rolls his sleeves up to help (ie. he doesn't just sit there barking orders!) He doesn't lose his temper (at least not at me) either.. what more can I ask for? I'm really thankful for him, else I think the last 2 years in banking would have been more hellish..

So, what prompted this entry was the chat I had with my boss this afternoon.. It was actually to talk about the upcoming budgeting (yes, the most dreaded time of the year!) and he started a little on performance review.. he started with how we are benchmarked against each other.. and since I had been promoted, the expectations have of course been raised too.. he can't really decide if the promotion was good or bad either.. he said that their decision to push me so quickly was two-fold - 1) to begin with, I had been downgraded by HR when I first joined and so my bosses felt they needed to push me up quickly and 2) they think that I've grown professionally and should move-on.. When I first started, I did feel that I was kinda short-changed.. but then the promotions came a little too quickly for me to handle.. learning curves are way steeeeppp!!! back to budgeting.. after the no. was vaguely set, he asked "so how, stressed or not?"

er.. I had felt the stress from the day I got the promo letter.. and here he is asking me half a year later.. hmm.. had he not seen or felt the immense pressure I was under?? my reaction and reply was probably a little too emotional.. I was told not to be too hard on myself.. since I've only been in banking for 2 years as compared to my fellow peers who've had longer banking experience.. for himself, he prob had bout 7 years experience when he joined the team and was placed in charge of the huge account and he felt intimidated then.. so he can very well imagine the kind of fear and stress that I'm experiencing.. perhaps, the expectations the bosses have of me is not as high I make it out to be? They probably might cut me some slack for being inexperienced.. then again.. what the heck is an inexperienced person holding the rank of AVP??

I better learn to expect less from myself.. less stressful, more time to sleep, complexion will improve and I can look younger!!! ははは!!

脆弱

2009-01-13T00:35:00.003+08:00

得知了朋友的父亲生命垂危，立即就与其他好友赶到他家去探访。。看到了他父亲那瘦弱的身子以及那半昏迷半清醒的状态，立即让我想起了当年也是因得了癌症而离开人间的外公。。想起了当年的画面，眼泪就不由自主地涌上。。但我知道在那情况下，无论如何我都不能落泪！！因为他们已是多么的难过了。。

癌症病人所受的痛是你我都无法想象的。。他的父亲24小时都得注射吗啡来减轻病痛。。但也因吗啡的关系而进入了半昏迷状态。。我想起了当年外公不停的对我说他有多痛，多难受。。但我却什么都不能做，只能眼睁睁的看着他受苦。。一天一天看着至亲的人慢慢的被病魔侵袭，直到病魔战胜将亲人夺走，而我却什么都不能做，那种滋味可真是难受啊！！

生命或许就是如此脆弱吧！就因如此，我们每天都应该过得很充实！！我可是说得到，做不到。。每天就只忙碌于工作而忽略了其余的东西。。真地认为自己太差劲了！

A new year

2009-01-01T22:26:00.003+08:00

new year new beginning..

most extraordinary new year.. 2009 greeted me with antibiotics..

2 days later, 2009 treated me to panaco (paracetamol for fever AND pain) and topped it with a day of mc..

a further 2 days, a mouth full of ulcers and another 2 days of mc cos I'm suspected to have contracted the virus that causes HFMD..

if i develop blisters over the next 2 days, then can the doc confirm it to be HFMD and I can continue staying home for ??? (as long as it takes for all the blisters to dry)

it all started with my nephew who had HFMD.. then my bro got the virus and now me.. ..

What is this?

2008-12-21T22:15:00.003+08:00

As I sit in front of my laptop, clearing emails on a Sunday night, I can so feel my blood starting to boil.. Its a Sunday night but this is what I'm doing!!!! Sighz.. What a sad life..

Every client wants everything settled before the year-end.. But for heaven's sake.. the next 2 weeks are short weeks.. 3.5 working days each week.. tat makes 7 working days in all.. Doesn't help that my colleague's away and I'm covering her work.. then with a super irritating senior colleague who expects me to drop my own things just to complete his projects first.. arrgghhh!

I'm tired.. enough is enough..

All I ask for this Christmas, is for my dream to come true next year..

Hong Kong

2008-12-17T23:24:00.002+08:00

Its the 3rd consecutive year that I've headed to Hong Kong.. If it wasn't a family trip, I really would have opted for Phuket instead.

It was a great 4 days of unwinding in Hong Kong, even though I still didn't get the chance to explore much of the place.. 10 of us (incl. my niece and nephew) traveled together! A really large group!! Thankfully, they behaved quite well on the flight and certainly showed no signs of fear of being on a plane.. my niece was afraid of being placed in the bassinet though and screams when anyone tries to put her in.. and my nephew found it quite amusing when the plane lands with the "gong, gong, gong" noise being made as it halts to stop.

it was like a trip to re-live my childhood.. how long has it been since i rode on the horse carousel, flying jumbo elephant, spinning teacups?? I did all those, more than once for each ride even.. haha

it was fun hanging out with my brother and cousins at LKF too.. think the last I travelled with my brother was when I was about 10 maybe. So its been a good 16 years..

but this was a really expensive trip... all expenses paid trip for my mum, plus a dinner treat at Yung Kee, plus shopping, plus forfeiting money on the phuket trip.. oh well, look beyond the $$ I tell myself!!

Link to photos on the right. My niece and nephew are just sooooo CUUUTTTEEE!!!

My first attempt at baking

2008-12-07T18:23:00.005+08:00

Other than home economics class back in secondary school, this is probably the first time I've attempted baking. Dy suddenly decided that he wants to bake and so gathered a couple of us together. My brother kindly agreed to let us use his place (apparently, its quite difficult to find someone who has an oven at home).

On a early sat morn, we dragged ourselves out of the house and met at Simei to buy the necessary ingredients. The adventure of our baking attempt begins!

At my bro's place, we randomly fiddled to operate the oven.. *ta-da* dy managed to get it working! But only for a min or so.. before the electricity tripped!!! OMG!!! I hope nothing is spoilt by us!! We turned back on the mains, and tried the oven again, again and again... This spelt the end of our baking adventure... =\ The oven never worked again.. oopssss.. I really hoped it wasn't us!

Not willing to give up, we decided to head to dy's house and use the mini oven instead. I must say, his house has almost all the baking tools that you can think of! We should have so headed to his place to begin with..

That's the first cheesecake in the oven.

The right one is the end product while the one on the left is the second cheesecake (we had enough mix to make 2 cheesecakes)

After chilling it overnight, here's the final product!! I have to say, it actually tastes pretty good... don't mind the not so nice looking surface though.. Not too bad for my first baking (and probably cooking) attempt.. LoL!

Looking forward to more baking adventures!!

All I'm thinking of..

2008-11-30T14:22:00.003+08:00

Sleep.. that's about the only thing I did this weekend.. This is how tired I am.. or perhaps its just that I don't want to be awake and thinking of all the work that's waiting for me.. sigh..

I was resigned to working late in the office on Fri nite.. felt too exhausted to go anywhere nor was I in the mood to be out there amongst the crowds.. Just then, received a call from 乌龟 asking me out for dinner.. it was a much welcomed distraction that came at the precise moment!

It was a session where we both just let out all our work grouses.. we're both keeping our fingers crossed and hoping for the results we want that would come sometime mid next year.. hoping for the best..

When it was time for us to leave, we dreaded to head home.. we wanted to be home to rest and have time for ourselves.. but we also know that going home means having to start working on all those stuff we had brought along to be completed over the weekend!! Arrghhhhhh!!

I know I complain too much about my work.. but if its as simple as saying "I quit", I would've done that.. but there's alot more to consider.. words are spoken loosely and easily.. its putting it into action that's difficult..

是我变了吗？

2008-11-23T20:54:00.003+08:00

当了11年的好朋友，但最近因为时间不允许，就少来往了些。在一次聚在一起时，感觉变得很生疏。好难过。。。不知道是不是自己变了，才会和朋友的距离拉得越来越远。好想好想能真正的和朋友们轻松的聚一聚。最近的压力真的快让我窒息了。在无能控制的情况下，躲到角落偷偷哭泣的次数频频增加，身体也有承受不住的现象。让自己也担心起来了。。。

最初把时间排得满满的出发点是想让自己的生活一点空当的时间都没有，才不会有多余的时间去胡思乱想。久而久之，却似乎是在将自己封锁起来而利用工作来麻醉自己。我以为自己能够适应这样的生活。但现在却找不到坚持下去的勇气！朋友认为我最荒谬的理论- 若是生活在一个有亲朋好友围绕的地方还是感觉到孤单寂寞，那我宁愿到一个没人认识我的地方生活。至少我知道孤单与寂寞是理所当然的。

或许失去了人生的方向盘就是这样吧。常常都只想一个人躲起来。已经尽力在寻找方向，但还是毫无头绪。真的很累了，累得无法在支撑下去了。至少宛萍能理解。真的很谢谢她一再的支持与鼓励。。

其实真的很高兴今年在工作上所得到的认同。至少这么多年来的努力没白费。但是这一切都是用了其他东西换来的 - 健康，幸福，睡眠，时间等。要得到就必须付出，我理解了。今天的一切结果都是因我自己所做出的选择，因此我不会为所失去的责怪任何人。就当是要让我学着成长的必经之路吧！而我现在要做出的选择就是放弃这一切。就当是我没那能耐，也没那能力在现在的领域里获得骄人的成就，所以就选择退出。已失去了许多才选择放弃，是有点傻，有点可惜，但我只想找回平凡的我。可能是因为最近有位好友让我听了《领悟》。。我领悟了。

就如她说的，换个环境也许对我而言会较好。我不在顾虑这么多了。会放胆去试一试。并不是我要离开就能的哟。大概在半年后才会知道吧。

Its SOOOO real

2008-11-12T22:13:00.002+08:00

Its time finance texts are re-written. The unthinkable, unimaginable has all happened! The question is, what next? I recall finance texts clearly touting that 2 US mortgage giants, Freddie and Fannie are akin to risk-free treasuries.. there's no risk of default.. then they got into trouble when property values started plummeting.. they were at risk of defaulting! Then came the BIG 5 Investment Banks of Wall Street that once seem so formidable, each with over a hundred years of history... that just kinda fizzled out... first up, Bear Stearns was acquired by JPM, then Lehman just collapsed overnight... Merill got acquired by BOA... the remaining 2 opted to become deposit-taking banks overseen by the Fed Reserve thereafter.. (ie. no more BIG 5!) Something closer to home.. Insuarance Giant AIG could not meet its obligations.. All these and more happened in the short span of slightly over a year..

But the man on the street here probably still wasn't aware how this will affect him... it still seemed so far away... if not for my job, I might be one of the few oblivious one..

Now it has finally hit home... job cuts are for real, in the very firm I work for... in a couple of hours' time, the names will be released.. everyone had been on tenterhooks over this week, not knowing if they're one of those on the list.. the fear and uncertainty was written over everyone's faces.. Initially, I wasn't really worried at all.. Worst case, I'll take it as a well-deserved break.. but the atmosphere in the office is just too tensed! Everyone.. from clients to friends.. the first question will always be, "so how? are you ok?" Everyone has got me very worried now! But looking on the bright side.. I'm lucky to still be young, and free from any debts.. and perhaps this will help speed up the decision process on applying for JET.

Tmrw's gonna be the most ironic day of the year.. a lunch treat which was planned for long ago by those who got promoted mid-year is scheduled for tmrw.. aft lunch, HR will be dropping by.. there'll be a hairy crab session in the evening.. frankly, who in the world has the appetite to eat during lunch? probably the hearts are all beating in the throats alr.. who'll have the appetite to still have hairy crabs after the news?? even if you're not one of those on the list.. u'll be sad for those who've been asked to leave!

One thing I learn this time round.. don't ever take things for granted.. what's yours today might not be yours the next.. doesn't matter how hard you work or how good a worker you are.. no one is indispensable... ...

As the days go by..

2008-10-20T23:32:00.002+08:00

A deadline I gave myself.. 31 Dec 08.. is drawing near.. but I've made no progress in thinking things through.. that's just me.. forever procrastinating in making a decision.. slightly more than 2 months left.. but I have no idea where to begin..

Man grumble when they have no choice.. and whine when they have too many choices.. when then can man be satisfied? NEVER!

I like familiarity.. because it makes life so much easier and bearable.. but familiarity is the reason for my current negative state of mind.. how ironic is that? I still haven't found a way to reconcile the two, and hence, my apprehension in making a decision..

I'm tired of being who I am not.. then again, I don't know who I am..

Just know that I yearn for the day when I can smile from the bottom of my heart, again..

What to make of the markets

2008-10-09T23:09:00.002+08:00

2 days after I came back, I was being mentally prepared for the onslaught of work to come.. all thanks to the market that kept heading south no matter what central govts are doing.. with every passing minute, more grim news surface..

I've grown tired of reading all the negative reports.. each time a report surface, I'll thank God that nothing in there will affect my job stability, as yet.. given that investment markets are now closed.. more and more corporates are relying on bank loans.. its got me really busy.. of course, its always good that there's business coming.. but I'm going to become the best clown in town juggling everything on my plate.. learning how to prioritize is the probably the biggest skill I can pick up now.. work just keeps pouring in.. I don't see an end to it..

I still cannot really comprehend the bloodbath even after every other major central bank is doing their bit to stabilize the markets..

sighz.. can the market head north like real soon?

東京

2008-10-06T23:02:00.015+08:00

I'm back from the super short trip to Tokyo. Everyone's shock to see me back in the office... no one expected my trip to be this short.. heh.. kinda tiring actually.. packed quite a bit into the trip, plus touched down only at bout 0030.. aft all the unpacking, plus packing my room which was kinda messy since my parents got my room painted while I was away, and everything weren't in the right position.. it was close to 0400 when I finally hit the sacks.. and I went in to work couple of hours later...とても大変ですね！！！

Day 1 Ueno, Asakusa, Odaiba

The happy faces of 2 gals who just arrived in 日本 and are making their way to central Tokyo!

Did the usual sightseeing this first day we got in.. First off to Ueno Park, followed by Asakusa and then Odaiba. Ueno and Asakusa still looked pretty much the same as 7 yrs ago.. The reason I wanted to go Odaiba was for Rainbow Bridge and the ferris wheel.. sounds silly.. but oh well, its just me.. hehe.. pretty pretty sights!

Day 2 Hakone
The diff modes of transport in Hakone.

Day 3 Hakone, Omotesando, Roppongi

表参道 Omotesando Hills along Omotesando とてもきれいですね、でも物価はとても高いですね！ Everything along this street is so elegant and pretty. But I guess there's a price to pay for everything.. nothing's cheap here.. simple top could set you back by $100 easily.. Shopping was followed by catching sight of the infamous Tokyo Tower ＠六本木。とても好きだよ！

Day 4 Tsukiji Market & Tokyo Disneysea

I really can't believe having to queue an hour for sushi at Tsukiji and most surprisingly, I survived the queue.. I'm not someone who can appreciate food.. since I don't eat much.. its jus ridiculous to me that we stood in the queue for an hour and had that few pieces of sushi.. no doubt, the freshness of the seafood is something I've never tasted before.. おいしい！！

Headed down to Disney after brunch.. to our horror, Disneyland is overcrowded!! They had stopped selling tix!! AHHHHH! Left without a choice, headed over to Disneysea.. 残念ですね！
In my opinion, Disneyland is more fairytale like and cute.. which I so prefer over Disneysea..

Day 5 Harajuku

Shopping!! But did not have enough time =\ Good and bad I guess.. Good cause the damage to the pockets will be smaller.. bad because my aim was to go there and shop!! but the disparity in quality between clothes sold at Harajuku and Omotesando was quite apparent. You really gotta pay up for the quality!

Din buy many things, but here's some of what I bought..

Its back to REALITY again... =\

I'll post more photos when I have the time..

Struck me hard

2008-09-29T23:42:00.002+08:00

Bro stayed over with the little one over the weekend.. While lazing in bed, just commented to him that my table's really messy (ie. can't see the table actually).. his reply was, "is it? but you're even messier!"

Alright, he probably meant it in the appearance sense since I refused to get out of bed and just continued lazing.. but his words struck me hard cos I really feel that life's in a mess right now.. although perhaps somewhat in an organised mess.. but its still a mess..

sighz.. Ain't making much sense here.. shall go continue packing instead..

Murphy's Law

2008-09-24T23:29:00.002+08:00

Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong..

I was kinda bumming at work for about a week plus.. literally not doing anything much except surfing the web.. but as my leave draws closer.. I get busier! which is always the case.. On training for the past 2 days.. which leaves me with 3 working days this week.. and I've got couple of datelines.. arrggghhh!

I can now only look forward to hopping onto the jet plane next tues nite, and head for the Land of the Rising Sun! doubt I'll have the time to come up with a proper itinerary as I had planned to.. let's hope all the years of Japanese lessons will pay off when I'm there... really can't wait to go!!

Calls for joy.. But...

2008-09-12T00:00:00.002+08:00

Mid-year performance review was sometime in end July last year.. was just discussing with a fren from another dept and we concluded that due to the financial turmoil, there won't be one this year. But we were so wrong...

Was called into boss's room tdy not knowing what to expect. Then he passed me the letter. I was surprised that there was a mid-year salary review! Well, I didn't read the letter carefully, only zoomed in on the nos. first. So my boss asked which item I was shocked about. Read the letter carefully, only to realise that I got a promotion too! I literally went "HUH" in front of my boss in disbelief! I wasn't expecting a salary increment, much less a promotion. What more, I had just been promoted earlier in the year. Its just too fast!

The entire promotion and pay increment thingy didn't really sink in. I was more worried than happy. Ya, I get more money now.. but then, it comes with a lot more responsibilities and stress as well! I told my boss frankly that I ain't sure if I'm ready to fill into the position. It might've been a tad too fast.. Also, its gonna be difficult to manage expectations of ppl both inside and outside the dept.. then again, colleagues were telling me that to begin with, I shdn't have joined the dept at the rank of analyst.. jus that my boss couldn't override HR's decision.. so assuming I had joined as an associate instead, then my current rank matches with the time spent.. but ppl out there won't know the story behind it.. and thing is, I really dont' feel that I'm ready to be independent! sighz.. the amount of stressssssss!

This promotion didn't really come at the right time.. Just when I realised that I gotta take betta care of my health and pay more attention to work-life balance instead of working myself to death, the bar has just been raised for me. How to relax??? But boss said its either now or yr-end.. and he feels that since I have met the criteria now, he just pushed me up.. I actually wasn't expecting any promotion prob for another 2 years.. so can you imagine the immense pressure I feel right now!!!!

Sep 6 - 4th Anniversary

2008-09-09T21:37:00.003+08:00

Angela's wedding was on Sat Sep 6, the exact same date, 4 years back when we joined the firm! Pure coincidence.. So after the wedding dinner at Harbour Front, we hopped across to St James..

Time definitely has wings!! its already been 4 years since we joined the work force.. except for me and sean, the rest are still with the firm.. they're good to last this long.. or maybe max's curse was too strong.. before he left for aussie, he toasted us to 2 years with the firm, to await his return.. and that nite, he toasted the others to another 2 more years with the firm, till his bond ends.. lol..

Packing

2008-09-03T01:45:00.004+08:00

My place is due for upgrading works in the coming week. Workers are gonna come in and make a mess of the place.. so my ever great daddy started packing things away neatly so as to minimise the amount of dust collected over these items.. he inspired me to spring-clean my room at the same time as well..

twenty-plus years and i've accumulated quite a huge load of stuff.. things which I once thought were useful, now seem nothing more than junk.. and I wonder why I had bothered to keep them back then.. i tossed out quite abit of stuff.. prob an equivalent of 4-5 A4 boxes worth of stuff..

as I packed my room, I started to think.. this packing of my room is somewhat akin to me packing up my feelings.. tossing out all those that are nothing more than junk now.. keeping only those worthy of being kept.. so as I pack and toss.. I began feeling a sense of peace and a tinge of happiness.. its been very long.. and its high-time I tossed away all the unnecessary.. to allow myself to move on.. things which I use to hold so dear could one day become nothing more than junk.. where I don't even think twice about throwing them away.. how sad is this? makes me ponder if there's permanence in anything in this world to begin with?

no matter how I know its time to move on.. its difficult.. it took years before I was able to view precious things as junk.. I don't expect to be able to just forget everything overnight.. but at least I know that its possible, just a matter of time..

The Rhema Word - HOPE

2008-08-23T23:44:00.003+08:00

Supposed to go for some trial body massage which was FOC and asked SX along too.. but.. cos I was late, we didn't get to enjoy the body massage.. meh =\ supposedly wanted to shop.. but somehow, we never found the energy to do so..

SX was giving bible studies to one of her members, so I decided to sit-in and listen as well. The topic was on faith being a process... then she went on to talk about HOPE. Well, everyone's supposed to have hope.. and God will answer to these hopes should the person delight in God. But to me, I felt that hope is such a double-edged sword. As the saying goes, 希望越大，失望越大 (translating - the greater your hopes, the greater your disappointment). SX corrected my mindset on this. She said that so long as our hopes are within the scope of plans that God has for us, they will be answered. In a way, I guess.. and she goes on to say that we must always persist in the things we hope for.. never to give up easily.. because one day, God will answer these hopes.. but I thought to myself.. this whole thing seems beyond me.. firstly, I don't know what God has in His plans for me.. if I don't know, how long then do I ought to persist to acheive something before I give up knowing that's not part of the plan? I've persisted before, believing that's what He told me to.. but at the end of the day, I only feel tired without accomplishing what I set out to accomplish.. I give up because I can't take it anymore.. does that mean I have lost faith somehow? then again.. how long is one supposed to persist?

This week's homily.. the only thing that struck me was again, "HOPE". I gotta say that I basically lost hope in alot of things.. and also stopped myself in hoping for anything after all the disappointments I had experienced.. I daren't hope again.. But I seem to be told today that no one / nothing is hopeless... One needs to have hope.. to have something to work hard for.. else, life seems kinda pointless.. supposed I'm at this stage at the moment.. not that I don't value life.. but I have no idea what my existence is for..

Probably He is trying to put the word HOPE back into my dictionary..

Singapore vs China

2008-08-17T21:07:00.002+08:00

Currently watching the 2008 Olympics Table Tennis Finals. Singapore's 1st chance at a medal aft a long 48 years.. Actually, I ain't excited with the fact that Singapore's gonna get her 1st medal after sooooo long... no sense of belonging? I shall simply attribute it to my lack of interest in this sport.. Table tennis is a game so dominated by the Chinese, regardless of country.. but I have to say the players are really good.. so fast that I lose sight of that small white ball.. lol

Think I enjoy watching swimming a lot betta! Michael Phelps such a legend! OMG! 8 golds 2008 Olympics!!! Not forgetting the synchronized diving as well, which is dominated by China.. perfect timing in execution... i'm awed!

The 'live' match just ended.. its a Silver for Singapore! I think the team did well, against such a strong opponent..

Break time over.. its back to work =|

一走了之

2008-08-17T01:08:00.000+08:00

逃避并不是解决问题的最佳方法。。但除了逃避，我不知还能做些什么。。好累好累啊！！就让我快些离开这让我喘不过气的地方好吗？在我完全支撑不住之前。。。

Night Cycling

2008-08-10T21:49:00.002+08:00

Only bcos of the company.. that's the only reason why I went nite cycling on National Day.. otherwise, nothing could drag me out of the house and sacrifice sleep (something which I'm already so deprived of)..

Compared to what we use to do in the past, last nite's cycling trip was shorter with a group of old and new frens.. we started off from MF's place at AMK and headed north. Stopped at Seletar Reservoir (which to my amazement was buzzing with people in the middle of the nite) for a couple of rounds of bear and hunter.. before continuing on to jalan kayu for prata.. got back to MF's place ard 4am and crashed into bed..

my legs are still protesting.. more the knees than anything else..

so don't feel like going in to work tomorrow...

亞洲舞道館 MV

2008-08-10T21:39:00.002+08:00

tis is soooo cool!! It really takes a lot to be a dancer.. determination, perseverance.. check out the MV kie!! my dance teacher is oso featured in it..

Part I
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMzI5MzAzODg=.html

Part II
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMzM2NTkyNDQ=.html

08Q2

2008-08-08T23:56:00.002+08:00

Missed the last gathering.. so hadn't seen the team for some time alr.. was a nice, simple evening out..

Its always great catching up with them.. and how time flies.. seems like it was just yesterday when I entered the firm as an A1.. reporting to the then managers, KS and TA. Now, they're already senior managers.. signs that we're all growing old!!! TA's oso back from the States after a 2.5 yr secondment.. asked how's life there.. on a standalone basis - alrite.. compared to life in singapore - its great! wat a contrast.. lol..

for them who had stayed so long with the firm.. contemplating to leave at this juncture doesn't really seem to quite work out in monetary sense.. so i'm still glad i decided to venture out early.. where the pay cut i took was nothing that significant.. but ask me if this route i had taken is wat i want, i can't give you an answer either.. i've been asking myself the same question over and over again.. cos if banking ain't my cup of tea, then i ought to leave soon too.. before being won over by the monetary returns.. i give myself till my next bonus to decide.. cos i've worked so hard (and met my budget).. should stay and collect my dues before moving on..

but its really time to think.. WHAT NEXT?

OUCH

2008-08-01T00:34:00.003+08:00

tdy's my 3rd lesson at basic salsa classes.. tis guy whacked his elbow right into my face!!! *OUCH* i've been rubbing it.. also used an ice-pack.. but it still hurts terribly!! fingers crossed I won't end up with a huge bruise on my face.. =|

3rd lesson into salsa.. and i still find it kinda boring..

someone's keen to try out hip hop.. gonna try to convince her to take it up.. then i can go back to learning hip hop!! but it also means i'm gonna start from the basics agn.. sounds like i'm wasting $$ here.. but.. dunno oso.. will see how it goes..

Summer Break in Taiwan

2008-07-21T22:27:00.003+08:00

The long awaited trip... had always wanted to visit taiwan to check out its shopping!! also 1st half had been so stressful that I couldn't wait to go on a trip just to unwind.. wat started out to be a trip with my cousin ended up pretty different.. was kinda apprehensive about having to travel with a fren and his fren.. someone whom I've met for the 1st time.. but, in my opinion, think we got along pretty well over the 9 days..

We were kinda ambitious.. only 9 days, yet we literally went round taiwan.. starting from Taipei in the north, we traveled down to Taroko Gorge in the East. Then it was all the way south to Kending. We then traveled north along the west coast, stopping over at Kaoshiung and visited Alishan before making our way back to Taipei. With all the time spent getting ard and sightseeing, the real shopping I did was a mere 2hrs at Wufenpu.. was a lil sad with the lack of time to shop.. then agn.. it was good tt i got to see alot more places..

Having done the round island trip, frens all asked me which city I fancied most... It would probably be Taipei and Kending. Taipei for its shopping, pretty ppl, KTV with rooms that resemble that of a hotel, vibrant nite life.. Kending for its laid-backness, the large expanse of blue waters.. the proximity to the blue waters (minus the nuclear reactor that was a tad too close for comfort) The other places were pretty too.. Taroko Gorge, "Qi Xing Tan", Alishan..

Some things we didn't do.. ought to have stayed another nite at Kending.. jus to relax and explore the place.. given that it was such a looongg journey getting there and its highly unlikely that i'll travel that kinda distance to get there the next time I head to Taiwan.. ought to have stayed a nite at Alishan to catch the sunrise which has been widely touted to be very magnificent and pretty.. oh well.. we certainly didn't have that kinda luxury of time..

Pictures are meant to speak a thousand words.. but pics tis trip are kinda minimal cos the company i travelled with aint cam whores.. jus make do with wat there is.. check out the link on the right =p

Breathing Space

2008-07-17T22:53:00.002+08:00

finally have the time to change my blog skin... and i'm going back to basics...

1st half of 08 was way tiring given that i had to juggle so many things at the same time.. couple of which are over now.. which explains the breathing space i currently enjoy..

mood's a lil betta aft i got back from my taiwan trip (will blog abt that later).. even colleagues say that i'm alot more cheerful.. but tis is only temporary i guess.. will revert to the short-tempered, 'snappish' person soon enough when the lack of sleep builds up..

2nd half of the year looks a lot brighter in terms of breathing space and sorting out the direction i gonna take from here on..

one really needs loads of courage in life... 勇气

Save You

2008-05-19T23:14:00.001+08:00

Save You - Simple Plan

Take a breath, I pull myself together.
Just another step until I reach the door.
You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you..
I wish that I could tell you something to take it all away.

Sometimes I wish I could save you,
And there's so many things that I want you to know.
I won't give up 'til it's over.
If it takes you forever, I want you to know..

When I hear your voice,
It's drowning in the whispers.
It's just skin and bones,
There's nothing left to take.
And no matter what I do,
I can't make you feel better.
If only I could find the answer to help me understand..

Sometimes I wish I could save you,
And there's so many things that I want you to know.
I won't give up 'til it's over.
If it takes you forever, I want you to know that..

If you fall, stumble down, I'll pick you up off the ground.
If you lose faith in you, I'll give you strength to pull through.
Tell me you won't give up,
'Cause I'll be waiting if you fall.
You know I'll be there for you.

If only I could find the answer to take it all away..

Sometimes I wish I could save you,
And there's so many things that I want you to know.
I won't give up 'til it's over.
If it takes you forever, I want you to know..

I wish I could save you..
I want you to know..
I wish I could save you..

EMO

2008-03-19T00:27:00.003+08:00

Actually, mind's in a complete blank right now... but I can't head off to dreamlandzzzz as yet cos I've got to get the nos analyzed by morn when I go in to work.. sleepless nite...

Then again, I'm in no mood to work... kinda feeling EMO right now...

Dance lessons, japanese lessons, CFA exam, endless work... I know I have to give the peripheral ones up soon... cos I'm getting nowhere with any of the above... betta to drop some and focus on the more impt ones... first one to go will be dance... as much as I love dance, with a class of only 3 ppl (me inclusive) left, its become so quiet that the enthusiasm's gone... will struggle to continue with jap.. but ain't puttin much effort there, gonna wait till cfa's over... cfa... i'm of half a mind to give it up as well... its draining to be studying after work (esp in my field of work)... also, I no longer have that self-disciplined... sad huh...

the current situation with roofus aint helpful in boosting my moods either.. its always a case where my hopes are raised, only to be dashed in no time... yet, I'm silly enough to continue finding reasons to explain why things are happening this way... jus wat is wrong with me?!?!?!

digress --- i need to change my blogskin... when will i find the time to do that???

I lost my bracelet!!

2008-02-02T12:26:00.000+08:00

Ok, it ain't anything expensive, but its something that I like a lot and I bought it in Korea.... I don't even know where I dropped it.. =\ Was too busy keeping up small talks with strangers and taking down notes the entire morning. I wanna find it back!!! but how??? =\ =\ =\ =\

周杰伦世界巡回演唱会

2008-01-20T01:51:00.000+08:00

Just came home after Jay Chou's World Tour Concert.. feeling now is still 超 high!!

Cos of his popularity, we only managed to get the Cat 3 tix.. well, seats ain't that bad.. but if only we got the Cat 1 tix... nonetheless, it was still a very entertaining show! This was despite him havin taken to stage despite being sick (or so I heard). He's one amazing person.. so talented!! He played the piano, guitar, drums and guzheng during the show!! I just like to see him playing the piano... so kewl...

He sang more of the fast songs instead of those 抒情歌曲.. so the atmosphere was really high!! Even his grandma went on stage and danced!! What a sporting Ah-Ma.. =)

Tortoise met laoshi and when she saw her tix, the price stated was S$0.00... laoshi oso said she would be going backstage later!! So envious!!!

Only regret of the nite, none of us had a camera =(

We were wondering where he would head to after the concert since last nite, he tripped off to Zouk... we were speculating perhaps he would head to St James.. but too pai sei to ask laoshi... so we went off for drinks to soothe our throats after all that screaming...

His songs are currently playing on my media player... ... =)

Sweet sweet dreams!

As 2007 draws to an end

2007-12-31T00:03:00.000+08:00

Thinking back, trying to sum up all that has occurred in 2007...

In no particular order,

1. the year where I traveled most (both personal and for work) all my life

2. the year where I gave myself a break from studying after graduation

3. the year where close friends were all plagued with relationship issues

4. the year I started to journey with God

5. the year where I was jolted to my senses that life is so fragile.. that I could just wake up one day without the person so dear to me

6. the year where my career path took a change for the better (at least that's what I hope it is)

7. the year I managed to be different and summoned sufficient courage to speak the truth to someone who meant so much to me

Every year is filled with memories, good or bad, happy or sad, they're there to stay...

What's done cannot be undone... But you can do all you can so that tomorrow's betta...

No matter how difficult it might be, all the unhappiness of 2007 will have to be left behind so that I can begin 2008 with a smile...

让过去的过去，让未来到来吧!

There'll be no new year resolutions made this year because I know they won't be kept.

Happie New Year to one and all!!!

Blessed 2008 ahead!!

Tis the season to be Jolly

2007-12-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

yep.. once again.. x'mas almost here.. supposedly the season to be jolly.. but my mood ain't anything like tat.. i feel completely crap..

haven been updating the blog regularly simply cos i don't feel like it.. with nothing good to write, wat's the point of writing? going away tis x'mas, and that's the only thing i look forward to.. but there's still so much shit to be cleared at work, all droppin on me just when i'm about to go on leave.. crappie..

somehow, my trips are always so well-scheduled.. allowing me to get away from Singapore at a time when I need to get away most..

finally, a white x'mas!!! fingers crossed that it'll snow.. heh.. and by the time i return, its time to prepare for the ushering in of 2008! I made a promise to myself that all the unhappiness of 2007 will be left behind.. 2008 will be a brand new beginning!!!

let me use the remaining days of 07 meaningfully.. to sort things out for a sunshine filled 2008 ^^

i need lots of strength, courage and guidance... ...

I CAN DO IT! I MUST DO IT!

Who's Ur Anime Boyfren

2007-11-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

Ok.. I was a little bored.. and just trying to unwind a little.. and did the quiz..

Who's Your Anime Boyfriend?

Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Where is my Prince?

Its been a while

2007-10-27T14:25:00.000+08:00

Haven posted in a mth!! Too busy, too tired, too messed up to post anything... also dun wan to post all the mood dampening stuff..

Loads happened.. loads went thru my mind as well.. din emerge wiser or anything.. still as lost and confused as ever.. its been a very different n difficult mth...

SH, SM, SX celebrated my bdae with me.. after drinks, SX sat with me by the river, listening to my sob stories.. imagine crying on my burfdae.. that's how messed up my life is right now..

Work's been like hell this month as well.. scheduled to go Beijing for only 2 days, I ended up in Nanjing, Suzhou, Shanghai as well for an entire week.. was only informed a day in advance.. that was how rush it was.. due to urgent matters that cropped up in SG, I spent daytime meeting clients and going on site visits over there, and spent the nites working on work due in SG.. dead beat.. regardless, still took a day out and travelled out to see the Great Wall of China, Mutianyu section.. great weather, sunny with strong winds.. beautiful scenery.. really clean and fresh air.. but I know more work's waiting for me in SG..

Felt really homesick tis trip.. I missed my nephew.. missed his cheeky antics.. missed the nonsensical things that he do which you really wanna reprimand him for but can't cos he's soooo cute and knows when to give u the innocent look... missed him too..

waiting for the day when things get betta..

Soul Hunger

2007-09-25T00:16:00.000+08:00

"Deep within us is a restless desire to know the One who made us. We want to discover the purpose He has for our existence in His vast universe. We long to find peace in a world that is being torn apart by feuding families, warring nations, militant religious groups, economic uncertainty, and self-destructive addictions.

At times we may try to suppress that longing. We may try to fill the emptiness with a busy life, community service, career pursuits, romantic relationships, or by trying to cover up the ache with drugs or alcohol. Even though we may try to suppress or deny that longing within us, it will surface again and again. "

Having not done my bible readings in a while and feeling the lack of inner peace lately, I took out the dust covered Daily Bread - Food for the Soul and found the above paras as a prelude..

Emptiness is not something that can be overcome just by ensuring that every second your days are packed with activities.. I know because I tried and at the end of it all, I only feel burnt-out, what more at a much faster pace..

爱真的需要勇气

2007-09-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

最近总是感觉很疲惫。。不仅仅是睡眠不足，而是觉得人生很空虚。无论我如何在工作之余参与许许多多的活动与课程，那都只不过是用于充当时间，不让我拥有太多多余的时间来胡思乱想、来感觉寂寞与孤单。

太累太累了。。就快支撑不住了。。只想他真能成为那能为我挡风遮雨的避风港，但。。他却似乎离我越来越遥远了。。我无法理解所发生的一切一切。。他也并没有要向我解释任何东西的意念。。到头来还是只能怪自己当初不够果断, 犹豫不决，错过了那独有的机会。。

我曾说过若时间能倒转，我也不会改变当初所做出的抉择。。但现在的我真的真的很希望时间能回到当出那时刻。。不是因为我累了，而是因为我领悟了。。

雪糕

2007-08-22T23:02:00.000+08:00

I'm still really puzzled why he calls himself 雪糕? He likes ice-cream? His workshop is sooo fun!! Felt like a super good work out after the 1.5 hrs.. his style is very diff as well.. its good to learn under diff teachers.. get a diff kind of feel.. but i still feel like a piece of wood.. must really try to get the feeeeelllllll...

Camp Hutan - Precamp

2007-08-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

The usual whining and complaining before the camp occurred bcos I'll be 'burning' my weekend for the camp. Just felt like the time can be betta spent catching up on sleep and hanging out with frens. But I was the one who volunteered to help although there had been no mention of a pre-camp when I agreed.

I was dead tired since it had been a really long week at work. Nonetheless, its pretty refreshing to attend a camp after so many years. Kinda lost count how long I've not been to camp actually. 4/5 yrs perhaps? Even went Bukit Timah Hill and made that 15mins climb up that steep slope with them. My first time there actually. LoL.

Felt young once again when amongst the JC/Uni students. How interesting when I was asked which JC/Uni I am in? I'll just laugh and reply that I've graduated for a couple of yrs already and be amused by the shocked looks on their faces. Its been 7 yrs since I left JC. There're some new JCs and VJ has even changed its PE tee! Its no longer that half yellow top that the fashion police had been so upset over. Heh. The current one looks so much betta!

2 more weeks to the actual camp. But I don't fancy stayin over in TNS with the rest. Ain't familiar with this batch of Rovers while my batch, we're non-existent already. Perhaps during the camp, I'll head home at nite... ...

Jigsaw

2007-08-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

Its one of those times when all the pieces of the puzzle just fall into place nicely on their own, making u a happy happy person at the end of the day =)

Managed to catch the fireworks despite being late as it started later than the stipulated time. Not really sure what it is about fireworks that captivates me. Perhaps its the colors that brighten up the nite sky making it look all dazzling? Fireworks nowadays ain't the typical standard ones anymore. There was something Earth-looking, heart-shaped fireworks etc. An impromptu decision to catch the fireworks, no camera and hence no pics. Then it was off to a really late dinner. It was ard qtr past 10 by the time I got there and I wasn't hungry anymore. For me, hunger pangs usually disappear after a while. Good way to remain slim. Heh. Dinner with Roofus was actually impromptu as well. Although short, it rounded up the nite beautifully ^^

Time grew wings

2007-08-05T00:14:00.000+08:00

Its been 2 weeks since I came back from my biz trip.. I was so tired before the trip cos of all the prep work to be done.. but it just got worse after I'm back.. both in terms of work and non-work stuff.. I've hardly had time to sleep in, not even on weekends.. But I've been really happy the last 2 weeks.. if only those things which I had silently hoped for had happened as well..

LAST WEEK
went wala with sm on thurs.. the band's great! but both of us still had to work to finish, we left pretty early.. but nonetheless, i was glad for the evening out and the drinks.. that allowed me to sleep betta that nite, and perhaps gave me the courage to said what i did the next day.. so ya.. i finally spoke to my boss.. fingers crossed, hoping for the best!

after my usual family dinner on fri, my sis-in-law had a craving for ice-cream! So, off we went to Haagen Daz.. it was so random.. but i enjoyed it.. my 2 bros, sis-in-law and myself.. having a nice chat over ice-cream.. i really appreciate the time we spent together, and the efforts that each of us put in to keep the family bonds strong.. that we can get along so well with my sis-in-law.. its a very warm fuzzy feeling..

on sat, finally went for KTV with colleagues.. if given a choice, i would've postponed this to go for MLB's autograph session instead.. haven been to any of their events.. =\ ex-team lead's house warming followed.. aka.. gathering for ex-OCBC team.. despite the far-flung place where he stays, I made it a point to attend.. jus cos I like the company.. besides this team, i don't recall there being another team with whom I've enjoyed working with as much.. occasionally, we'll still have get-togethers..

THIS WEEK
Kt's back this week.. our mega retro fanatic.. which explains the first place we headed to with him was Zouk on Wed.. i haven been to zouk in a long while already.. songs ain't as retro.. rather, we're old.. on thurs, we agreed that kt should hear the band Unexpected, so we headed down to Wala.. evidently i was the most tired there cos i was the onli one who went in to work that day!! blah.. so ya, the alcohol imbibed added its great damage on me, wat's more on an empty stomach.. but not having to work the next day, i din really bother.. off to satisfy kt's craving for 'douhua' after.. as far as i remember, its the most interesting cab ride i've ever had.. kt and the cab driver were discussing abt politics in a pretty heated yet humorous way.. kt's still e same, critical as ever.. with very strong personal opinions.. LoL!! IF ONLY I was half like him.. I'm always going along with the flow, never daring to speak up nor voice my opinions.. great to have kt back, albeit for 3 short weeks.. he used to be e one who organizes the sept 6 run outings..

fri nite was spent with the gals chatting away at glutton's bay.. i always believe that u'll see the rainbow at the end of a rainy day.. hang in there!! things will only get betta =)

bladed for a good 3 plus hrs on sat! felt so good.. though i tink the BK dinner made the blading all in vain.. hehehe..

what does the week ahead entails?? praying hard...

China biz trip - my thots

2007-08-04T11:43:00.000+08:00

tiz a lil long overdue.. but have been spending all my available time reading PoTTeR.. well, the happily ever after ending's sweet and everything.. but then again.. it sounds really cheezy.. at least I wasn't wrong that Snape's a good guy after all.. nw that i'm over with the book, I shall blog all that I wanna say for the last 2 weeks!!! LoL =p

Pictures paint a thousand words.. here's a couple from my biz trip to China, my first time there cos I never felt like paying on my own to take a holiday in China.. jus doesn't entice me enough.. was a nice flight into Shanghai.. first time flying biz class as well.. so was a little like a mountain turtle.. heheh

but the air pollution in Shanghai shocked me.. the sky was all smog-filled... wat happened to the clear blue skies?? traffic condition's really terrible as well.. and it was sweltering HOT!!! It was a good 3 hours car ride as we went through Shanghai with a stopover in Kunshan before reaching Suzhou. The SIP seems like a complete replicate of Singapore. Its clean, roads are nicely laid out, plants pruned to perfection etc.. Felt good.. Was already evening by the time we got there, so boss brought me ard to see their Orchard Road equivalent... This is it!

Guan qian jie.. really, there's nothing to shout about... the haphazardness of the shops.. felt like Chinatown..

Next day was filled with site visit and meetings.. by the time we got back to Shanghai, it was evening again.. but I was rewarded with the following:-

The BIG king size comfy bed in Westin Hotel!!! 'Home' for the next 3 days.. after every tiring day, its just so awesome to come back to this comfy room, with the comfy bed for a good nite's rest..
Managed to squeeze in a little sightseeing in Shanghai.. that's the all-famous Oriental Pearl Tower located at Pudong.. Where I stood to take the pic is the Bund.. It was sooooo crowded, I felt overwhelmed and just wanted to scream out, "I need breathing space!!" LoL =)
This is Nanjing Xi Lu Bu Xing Jie.. A shopping stretch.. Only pedestrians.. no vehicles allowed! Jus look at the crowd and its a weekday nite..

After 3 days in Shanghai, went off to Shenzhen for a site visit.. boring boring place.. but with loads of Hong Kong ppl... cantonese is the more common language compared to chinese...

The trip was certainly an eye opener for me.. else I would never have set foot in China.. not the best time to be in China given that its summer and its really hot.. worse than SG..

China's certainly growing and very rapidly.. so its certainly a good place to be in to be in the thick of all the action.. but really, to have to live in China, I don't think I can do it... the whole environment... just not some place I feel comfortable in.. unless, u can behave like 1 of them, else, u'll forever be the last.. yea.. it did cross my mind, and I did consider moving to Shanghai.. but its going to take a lot for me to make this move..

Mr. Perfect

2007-07-23T21:11:00.000+08:00

This guy is simply gorgeous! Both his smile and his bod! He's none other than Daniel Henny, an American South-Korean actor.

I caught the show 'Seducing Mr. Perfect' on my flight back yesterday. Daniel Henny starred as Robin Heiden, a very capable and driven guy at work. To him, love is nothing but a game, a manipulation of feelings. But this was more due to his failed first love, which took a bullet for him to get over the gal..

These kind of guys just so appeals to me!! tall, dark, handsome, well-built, driven, brainy, confident, speaks well, not a playboy, devoted and committed when in a relationship etc.. the list goes on.. those who have watched the show will have a betta idea what I'm talking about.

Does such a perfect guy exist in real life? *dreamz*

Courage

2007-07-22T22:16:00.000+08:00

I lack the courage, I seriously do... ...

The Good Samaritan

2007-07-15T22:57:00.000+08:00

There's been a lot going on that I would like to blog about but just can't find the time to.. In actual fact, I really ought to work doubly hard right now instead of taking time out to blog.. but all the CHINESE is driving me nutz.. need a break! Me and my pow-DER-ful chinese..

When I was first told that I'm travelling to China for work, I really didn't expect the workload to be as bad as what I'm experiencing.. But truth be told, things would have been completed at perhaps a fraction of the time if everything were to be done in English instead.. I'm already fortunate enough that there's someone who's translating everything (well, almost) for me.. what I then have to do is ensure that the ideas in the presentation flow and of course make the necessary changes to the texts to ensure that.. Why can't China use English as their main language?? Its been a way torturous week... all thanks to CHINESE..

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Friday nite, on my way to meet up with some frens, I thought the guy I walked past was calling me (I had my earphones plugged in).. so I turned round to take a 2nd look at that guy.. din ring any bell.. so I moved on.. but I really think that guy's calling me!! Removed my earphones turned back and *viola*! That's my jc classmate whom I haven met in ages!! *oops* I really din recognise him at the first instance.. Supposed was the change in his hairstyle that made him look, erm.. different...

I don't know what to say.. but all the gals are carrying branded stuff right now.. they own not just one but a couple... they're certainly being paid well... guys instead of branded stuff, pamper themselves by getting more gadgets... Sometimes, I do miss that job that pays soooooo well that you won't find another one like it elsewhere... But have to constantly remind myself that 'MONEY IS NOT EVERYTHING'.. but it does mean alot still... *sighz* the heart ACHES at the thought of that...

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Well, that's a lot of digression... back to the main topic of this entru - The Good Samaritan.. this should be something really familiar to Christians out there... but to those who're not.. tis is a story about how a person extended his help to someone he met along his journey who was totally unrelated to him...

reflecting on that.. it got me thinking not about the many times in which i had the thought of helping, but something jus holds me back from extending that help... rather it reminded me that this world doesn't just revolve around any single individual... its made up of a community.. I shouldn't be too absorbed into my own life that I forget about the existent of other people around me... I ought not to be so self-centred... I ought to put the interests of others before self.. but somehow, I was the only one who thought of this... so I wonder... I must have always been this self-centred freak who ignores the existence and pleas of everyone else around me... i must be one really selfish pig.. REFLECT REFLECT!!!

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The hacking cough's much betta already, though the throat's still irritated... can feel that the block nose is still causing all the trouble.. albeit its much betta... doc says its because of all the late nites I keep that lead to me being very heaty etc.. he terms the cough "劳嗑" (cough arising from being overworked) I ought to rest more.. but the schedules don't allow me to...

strangely, I'm always under the impression that my schedules were more punishing in the past then now.. but I never had this problem.. or issit a culminated effect?? can't deny that I'm getting older anymore can I??

Let's hope things are a whole load betta by the time I return!

A week

2007-07-08T20:39:00.000+08:00

A week breezed through so quickly. PS came and left... managed to catch up with her on a couple of occasions despite her short yet fully packed schedule...

Her visa fiasco wasn't a great way to start her holiday but fortunately things turned out well... She gladly indulged in her favorite foods, taking up to 5 meals a day... Her last nite of holiday back home, couple of the rovers stayed over at her place... as with usual tradition, we spent the nite playing pictionary followed with silly charades... caught some sleep before her mum came into the room, turned on the lights and woke us all up at abt 4am...

It was a 4-car convoy that sent her off to the airport... a huge entourage... lol

With her having been back twice in a year, it won't be anytime soon that she'll be back...

PS, take care and have loads of fun!

Gals nite out

2007-07-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

My very treasured grp of gal frens... was a nice evening... =)

時をかける少女 - The Girl Who Leapt Thru Time

2007-06-30T23:38:00.000+08:00

Saw this posted on Aki's blog and my inherent love for anime meant I watched it immediately when I had the time to... Its a simple show, but with strong meaning to it...

I always thought about how great it would be if I could turn back time and re-do those things that din turn out the way I wanted them to... I'm sure I ain't the only one guilty of this thought... when something goes wrong, everybody will think, "If I could turn back time, I would have...."

But after watching this show, its not as if turning back the clock is the best way to make right something that was wrong... sometimes, turning back time only made things worse... also, should you be happy after making things right, more often than not, someone else will suffer in your place... just like the Chinese saying goes, "把自己的快乐建立在别人的痛苦上”. That's just kinda mean.. several times, when Makoto travelled back in time to correct something, another disastrous incident will occur such that she has to travel back more than once before she manages to put everything in order..

Not exactly sure what the ending means.. At first I thought it was simply that Makoto has Chiaki waiting for her in the future, which is sooo sweet... but then again, how far ahead of time had Chiaki came from?? Can Makoto really 'run' there??

Read elsewhere about the novel from which this anime had been adapted.. If there's an English version available...

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Some sad shocking news...

My cousin just told me that one of the singers from Soul (finalist of the Superband competition) had passed on yesterday! SHOCKED!! He's a great dancer and also a dance instructor... News said that he was found dead in his car but the cause of death is still unknown. There're certainly speculations going round, but no point speculating... A life's lost, a young one (he's ard 25, 26) and that's a fact...

If it was "a moment of folly" that led to the end of his life, its really a pity.. I don't reckon there's anything in this world that cannot be resolved... a moment of folly that leaves u with no room for regret and the opportunity to make things right again... Life's just too fragile...

I might not know him personally, but yet I feel the loss.. perhaps cos he's a fren's fren... I suppose its also cos I'd been following the Superband competition throughout... watching them for that couple of months, sometimes even at live events... he's always seen on screen to be someone who's very happy-go-lucky, fun-loving etc.. but wat's going on behind that farce... *shrugs*...

If he could travel back in time, I besiege him to turn to his family and frens or whoever he's comfortable with to share his troubles... nothing is worth more than ur life!!

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Cried while watching the show... tearing as I typed this entry... gonna get puffy eyes tomorrow...

What do you think?

2007-06-27T22:57:00.000+08:00

Here's my intended schedule...

1. GMAT by 2007 end
2. CFA level 2 in June 2008
3. JLPT level 3 in Dec 2008
4. CFA level 3 in June 2009
5. MBA starting Fall 2009

That's 1 major exam to contend with every half a year... Do I have the discipline and aptitude for them all? Hmmz... I doubt myself...

I perhaps have to shelf ALL travel plans until after June 2009... for those who know me, they'll say that its almost next to impossible to stop me from travelling... I know that very well too...

Overly ambitious plan... but I really wish that I can achieve these milestones...

The Weekend

2007-06-24T17:43:00.000+08:00

Paw kindly invited us to her chalet on fri nite. As usual, had gone home for dinner first. I was so darn tired (been working till wee hours the past couple of days) and almost fell asleep... but reluctantly dragged myself out of bed to join them... its a grp i like hanging out with... we no longer hang out as much as we used to... and the nos at each gathering is dwindling..

They played a card game which paw's hall mates had came up with... really hilarious to watch them.. Didn't join in cos I had head that was pounding so badly, I could barely lift it off the pillow... XiaoHuang (aka SL) and her hubby DaQing (aka Dan) is such a great couple. I've never seen another couple who can stand the other party's scolding as much them. What's more hilarious is how the 2 of them end up sabotaging each other... in the end, both of them were so high that the 'scoldings' escalated. The rest of us were kinda of like watching a free comedy... the only thing lacking was the popcorn... *LoL* They were all either staying over/staying late. I couldn't stay on bcos I really need to reward my sleep deprived body of some good rest.

大哥 was as wonderful as ever and offered to pick me should there be no one to send me home. That was like almost 2 in the morn. Instead of sleeping when he can, he stayed up and waited for me to be ready to go home. So touched! Really blessed to have such a doting big brother! My 大哥's really good at taking care of others. Lucky sis-in-law and their kidz!! Must have taken after my dad who also always gladly picks me up whenever and wherever. Whatever happened to my 二哥 and myself then? OopS!! must have been too pampered... keke

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RCIA as usual on sun... I've always been envious of people who can play the piano sooo well because I just don't have the flair for it... the guy who played the hymns last week... OMG! completely mesmerized by the music! I'm also full of admiration for one of the sponsors' for his prayers are always so soothing... really heartfelt prayers... when will I be able to be like them? be able to play music (not just making noise with my organ) and to make heartfelt prayers...
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Due to my lack of sleep... my throat's starting to hurt once more... I betta give my body the requisite rest and vitamins... would hate another dose of medicine anytime soon...

Life's a learning process

2007-06-13T20:36:00.000+08:00

What is it that I am searching for in life? I don't seem satisfied nor contented with what I have. I know that I am searching, but what is it that I'm searching for, I am completely clueless. Things are acceptable now, but there's always the hope that things will be good, not only acceptable.. But I also know that everything is relative. How do you know something is better if you don't make any comparisons?

There're so many things I wished I had done in the past, just so that things are a little different now. But there's no way time can be turned back and what I ought to do is to be forward looking, figure out how I can move on instead. Of course, things are always easier said than done. Perhaps I should have put in more effort in school, perhaps I should have majored in something else, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.. I won't use the word regret because life is a tad too short for regrets... I would rather do what I can to make things right again. Life is meant to be a learning process at the end of the day.

Its too early in life to say that I'm tired of this learning process but it is true that I'm really tired. Tired because I don't understand what I'm learning, I don't know where I'm headed to... Its akin to being lost out in the oceans, where after days, weeks.. there's still no signs of shore... I'm struggling to keep my head above the waters.. There's no knowing when I'll be exhausted from all the struggling and just allow myself to be sucked into the depths of the oceans... ...

Ought to rest more

2007-06-10T20:29:00.000+08:00

After two weeks, two courses of medicine, I've yet to recover. Getting better, but my throat still hurts and I've got that hacking cough... Probably I ought to see another doctor...

Despite being sick, I still held a bbq on Friday.. The bbq was planned a month ago and really din wan to cancel it... My family had booked the chalet for the weekend for my nephew's 2nd bdae celebrations on Sat.. since the place was available on Fri, thought I'll just gather some close friends to catch up =) but its such a torture, looking at the food, yet not being able to savor them... Well, of course my self-control wasn't all that great.. LoL! Had wanted to stay the night at the beach to look at the stars and hopefully catch the sunrise the next morn but was too tired to do that. I miss the time in Shizuoka, Japan and Fitzroy Island, Cairns Australia where stars were plentiful and shone so brightly...

Long journey to Bukit Batok on Sat morn to attend Tim and Sharon's solemnization at St Mary of the Angels. A really big, grand and modern Catholic Church. Really happy for them. ^^

In the evening, went to the chalet for my nephew's bdae. He was soooo elated when he saw his bdae cake. He struggled to break free from his mom to get closer to the cake.. Either he really like those monsters - Barney and friends, or he just love cakes. Earlier, he refused to eat dinner but he had 3 servings of cake. LoL.

After 2 looongg days, I finally had time to rest on Sunday. But it ain't enough. Still feel really lethargic and tired. Not sure if its due to my sickness, or I'm really tired... everyone's telling me I ought to rest more in order to get well.. I know, I know.. but I can't really sleep cos the hacking cough keeps me awake.. how to get well???

Flying Fish

2007-06-03T21:34:00.000+08:00

Whoever knows how to interpret dreams can help me with this one..

Strange and weird dream / nightmare I had.. Will try to recollect as much as I can..

I have got 2 luohan fish in my house that have grown pretty big that's its quite a squeeze for them both to share a tank. Someday, my eldest bro and myself, perhaps too bored or were just sadist, decided to pour $1 coins into the tank. (My bro poured the coins in while I watched from a distance). These 2 fish are very fond of jumping. With the $1 coins poured in, the water level just gets higher, to the point of reaching the bream. Somehow, the fish also got very excited and began swimming around vigorously. When the opportunity came, one of them jumped, and of course, out of the tank! To which I screamed as it headed in my direction!!! I got my brother to catch hold of the fish quick and put it back into the water. I don't want to kill any of my dad's fish. My bro placed the fish into a pail of water and the fish remained very quiet and still. Water from the tank had been spilling over with the fish swimming about so vigorously, so my brother had to refill the tank with more water, but perhaps a little too much. I told him to put the fish that jumped out back into the tank to see if it would 'return to normal'. True enough once he put it back in, the 2 fish got very excited again! (don't know what happened to the $1 coins this time round). From wherever I was watching, I knew for sure that the other fish was going to take the opportunity to jump out as well and screamed to alert my brother that the water level was too high! But before my brother could do anything about the amount of water in the tank, that stupid fish jumped out! Dropped on the ground and did a flip into the air before dropping back on the ground and slided towards me. Of course, I screamed!

What a fishy night I had... Flying fish, and all in my direction!!! EEKSS!!!

Potent Bug

2007-05-31T20:48:00.000+08:00

Think I've caught the omnipotent flu bug.. I do get the occasional sore throat, running nose kind of stuff.. but this time round.. OMG! Haven't fell this sick for as long as I can recall..

On the first nite I fell sick, I couldn't sleep cause my throat hurt so badly. The next morn, after going to the doc, I concussed for the next 22 hrs, waking up only to take my meals and medicine... Went in to work, but called it quits after half a day.. the aircon was freezing cold, my nose was leaking non-stop, I sounded like I was coughing my lungs out.. Betta not spread the germs..

Today's the 3rd day.. onli improvement is that I can now get out of bed.. the medicine simply has no effect on me.. wasted the public holiday staying home.. dun wanna spend the weekend in bed again..

arrghhh.. stupid bug, will you jus stop bugging me!!!!

The order of the Catechumens

2007-05-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

Having been attending mass for over a year, today's one was exceptionally different, because of the meaning it held. Today's Rites of Acceptance marks the first of several rites I'll be going through as I journey down this road of Faith.

I felt really blessed and happy to be called and be able to answer God's call. When the sponsors signed the cross for us, I felt that it gave me a whole new meaning to Christian life. Previously, I had attended mass regularly simply for the sake of attending due to my lack of understanding. The months of RCIA thus far have certainly deepened my understanding of the religion. After the signing of the cross, I felt a deepening of relationship with Christ and a compelling need to live the Christian way of life to be a good role model for others. However, each step that I take to be closer to Christ raises the fear in me - the fear of being different from my family (my family's religion is taoism). When I was praising the Lord, tears welled up in my eyes as I wished that my family was there with me. I believe I have long accepted Christ, but to do it in this official manner, it adds a different meaning to it all.

This is but just the beginning of a long and arduous journey. I still don't feel that I have the strength to go through with baptism without my family despite my mum having told me that she's fine with whatever religion I choose for she can't be there with me forever, and ultimately its a choice that I have to make for myself. So long as I'm happy, she won't be against it. But its easier said then done. I truly love my family for their openness and understanding and I sincerely hope that one day, they too will hear God's calling and answer to that call.

Start questioning

2007-05-19T11:48:00.000+08:00

Of late, there have been more and more occurrences of people who had left Price, making their way back. All had left for the banking industry, only to return because the prospects seem brighter back where they started from. Some of them have left for a couple of months, some for up to 2 years. This left me questioning, what is it that they have realized that is leading them back to where they started, rather than trudge on at wherever they might be right now?

Call it the herd instinct. When one starts moving back, slowly others will follow suit. What does turning back signify? Giving up the fight in the corporate world outside of audit? Giving up the pursuit of your dreams/your goals? Acknowledging that one can't survive outside, away from the sheltered life that Price provides? Or is it really true that the prospects are better back in Price? If that's the case, then I too want to head back.

I've lost that determination, that strength to work towards what I want to achieve. All because reality has proven to me that I perhaps don't have the capabilities to make it. 3 years in the workforce, but none of the experience I've picked up is considered relevant towards achievement of my goal. At least that's what my last interviewer told me. What have I been doing over the past 3 years? Have I simply been wasting my time?? Its saddening and demoralizing to hear that. Should my experience be irrelevant, it simply means that either I start afresh, or I'll never walk down the path I had envisaged. But not many firms will give me the chance to start afresh, when they could easily hire a fresh grad, who certainly will have greater drive and determination.

What happens next? Being stuck in a place where you only have colleagues, not friends, when everything you say or do, criticisms are aplenty. You can't see what the future beholds in your current employment. Returning to Price is a much more palatable alternative then. At least there's still a certain degree of certainty in your future. You've got friends who stand by you through the hard times, both at work and outside.

I don't really know what to think or do at the moment. Work performance has certainly deteriorated but I just can't bring myself to put in more effort. Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best. I place my faith in the Lord, and may I receive good news next.

吓！太厉害了！！超赞！！

2007-05-14T22:50:00.000+08:00

刚上完hip-hop班！很累很累，但感觉很爽！今天是第十一堂课，下星期就是最后一堂了，也意味着要考试了！时间过得可真快哦！

刚开始上hip-hop班时，觉得这舞蹈不适合我，但跳啊跳的，就越来越喜欢了！那令你感觉超帅的舞步！嘿嘿！好好玩哟！同学之间的默契和感觉也很棒！连小柯老师也说她当老师也感到很欣慰，同学都这么棒，吸收力很强, 气氛也很好。小柯也说她从未看过一班这么好的同学, 早知道她就编排更难的队形给我们. 一部分是靠天分，但也外加了努力。其他同学多数都是学生, 比较能抽出时间, 所以都会在上课一小时前到舞蹈学院去练习。真是用工！我也会尽量早点下班去练习，不然就跟不上了。我已经算是班上最差的一个了，不是记不住舞步，就是跟不上节奏。哎哟。。我跳hip-hop的样子其实是超难看的，完全抓不住那很帅的感觉。。乌龟，教教我阿!!

跟这班同学跳得很有感觉.. 希望大家都会继续跳下去吧. 太好玩了!!　

今天真是超开心!!!　

Personal DNA

2007-05-10T00:23:00.000+08:00

You are a Creator

Your imagination, confidence, willingness to explore, and appreciation of beauty make you a CREATOR.
You are independent, and you enjoy your self-sufficiency.
Defying convention, you are very innovative, and you have a vivid imagination.
The look of things is important to you, and you have a keen eye for aesthetic beauty in multiple arenas.
You have a strong interest in what is new and exciting—and that includes forging ahead with new ideas, not simply discovering what is already out there.
Your eagerness to seek new and varied experiences leads you into many different situations.
You're not set on one way of doing things, and you are creative when it comes to finding novel solutions to complex problems.
You trust yourself to be innovative and resourceful.
Your confidence allows you to take your general awareness and channel it into creativity.
You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.
You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well. You tend to do things on the spur of the moment, not sticking to a set schedule.
You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.
Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different

Appreciate the earthly, practical elements of things—there is beauty in form as well.
While you are good at thinking abstractly, focusing on details a bit more may help you discover things about the world.

how you relate to others

You are Benevolent

You are a great person to interact with—understanding, giving, and trusting—in a word, BENEVOLENT
You don't mind being in social situations, as you feel comfortable enough with people to be yourself.
Your caring nature goes beyond a basic concern: you take the time to understand the nuances of people's situations before passing any sort of judgment.
You're a good listener, and even better at offering advice.
You're concerned with others at both an individual and societal level—you sympathize with the plights of troubled groups, and you can care about people you've never met.
Considering many different perspectives is something at which you excel, and you appreciate that quality in others.
Other people's feelings are important to you, and you're good at mediating disputes.
Because of your understanding and patience, you tend to bring out the best in people.
You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.
You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.
You tend to do things on the spur of the moment, not sticking to a set schedule.
You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.
Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different:

You spend a lot of time taking care of others, but don't forget to take care of yourself!
Sometimes you can get overcommitted, and when you sacrifice spending time with those close to you, it can make them feel unimportant.

SstarZz

2007-05-09T01:36:00.000+08:00

I want this chain!!!

Callin' out to stranger

2007-05-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

Where is the stranger in whom I managed to find comfort in? Sometimes, stranger seems so close, but at other times, stranger seems so far away.. this seemingly close yet distant feel is something that doesn't sit well with me.. at times, it sinks me into exasperation, at times, it sinks me into depression.. its so difficult to understand stranger.. its not that I don't want to know, its because stranger doesn't want to talk about it..

Stranger, I'm still here.. but are you still there? Unknowingly, it has grown to such a point where I'm afraid that one day I'll not be able to find stranger, worried that I won't see stranger's face light up again.

Instead of the differences spoken of, in our eyes are mirror images and I have to speculate that God himself made us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the day...

Stranger, when will I be able to find you back?

迷失了方向

2007-05-02T23:17:00.000+08:00

This picture very well depicts how I'm feeling right now - completely lost, not knowing what next.

1130am - "... could u come over for an interview during lunch?"

HUH?!?! My plan was to lunch in because I'm really behind in terms of my work. Backlog. But what to do? Had to go. But the short notice was also good in a way. Then I didn't have time to get too tensed up. Crap. I was still as tensed as ever. Spent whatever little time I had reading up.

I had been forewarned, by not 1 but 2 ppl about how intimidating this interviewer of mine is. Given the background that he hailed from, not too difficult to imagine how tough and difficult he might be. I wasn't disappointed. He basically grilled me over my resume, and asked for such a detailed account of things, something I've never experienced before in all my interviews. I wasn't speaking coherently at all. One important point, if you're like me with such a terrible memory, please try not to include things that are more than 1 year old. I simply had no recollection of some of the things that happened in the past. Sometimes as I elaborate, I realize that my resume is trapping me!! Things don't gel at all. The more I said, the more I was tripping over my own comments.

Another first for this interview, interviewer actually bothered to take time to draw out the structure of how the unit functions and explained in such great detail. Its for their benefit as well as mine, to set all expectations right at the onset. He also asked alot of questions and the focus was basically on whether I know what it is that I want. He advised that the short tenures are not going to look good on my CV. He also reasoned that when he was my age, he too was very eager to learn. Things that we've never tried before will always seem interesting and we'll always be curious and want to find out more. But there is a limit to how much one can learn because of limited time and resources. Experience is something that is accumulated over time. Simple statements of facts delivered correctly leaves a lasting impact.

No interviewer ever spared me the question on why I failed to get my honors. And I found that my answer has evolved over time though the basis is still the same. This interviewer was different. He asked if I regretted not focusing on my studies. I never really spent much time pondering over that question before so he got me thinking. I won't say its completely without regrets. I perhaps could have done better by being more hardworking. But then again, the things I got to try and the experiences gained from all those activities that I took part in back then... Those are things which no books or no. of As can buy me. Of course, I'm not as smart as my fellow frens who though as involved as I was, still did well in their studies. Would I swop those experiences for an honors. Maybe not. According to my interviewer, in life, you've got to make choices, you've got to learn to prioritize. You can't have the best of everything. I agree with him. I got my degree (though without the honors), and at the same time, I got to pursue my interests. Right now, I am (or choose to believe that I am) still on track to achieve my goal in terms of my career, albeit I might be a few years behind others.

To end the interview, he reinforced his point on what the role was all about. He told me that should he decide to make me an offer, he still wanted me to think through if this is what I really want to do for the repercussions will be huge. He told me not to give him an answer there and then. He wants me to think about it. He understands that no one will stay in the same job forever, but he wants someone who will spend a reasonable amount of time such that the effort spent training and grooming will not go down the drain.

I've never had an interview that made me think so much after it has ended. All the things my interviewer told me, though simple as they might be, have a very great impact on me. It felt as though my dad had given me a piece of advice (truth be told, neither dad nor mum ever gave me any advice. Their theory is that so long as I am happy and know what I am doing, they'll always support me. wonderful set of parents I have)

Frankly, I feel that I didn't do well in today's interview, so ain't keeping my hopes high. Nonetheless, my interviewer has given me lots of food for thought.

All tangled

2007-04-29T15:18:00.000+08:00

When you've tried long and hard to achieve all those stuff that forever remain elusive to you, it's apparent why you start losing faith in everything and end up beating yourself up over what a failure you are.

Feeling somewhat like that right now. Nothing seems to be going right in my life. Then again, I don't really seem to have an idea what is the RIGHT direction anyway. Its always easy to dish out advice to others when they're feeling down, but when it comes to yourself, those advice can never be turned into solutions. Weekly horoscope tells me that as much as I love helping others solve their problems, I should think about my own and that I certainly deserve better. Perhaps a little too nosey at times, poking my nose into everybody else's problems. But then again, it might just be that I am escaping from having to look at my own problems.

Looking back, there are several things I did/didn't do that has left me in great regret today. But who doesn't have regrets? I thought that if I recognized those things I did wrong/didn't do in the past, and did something about them today, I'll still be able to turn things round. But I've got to be the world's greatest fool to think in this manner. Nothing done today can actually make up for what was not done yesterday. Opportunities missed will never return. Decisions made can never be retracted. So I tell myself, "accept the fact of things and stop being the fool you are!"
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I miss the camaraderie back in Price, terribly terribly miss. Everybody works hard and late together. Everyone helps one another, the coaching culture is strong. More importantly, you forge strong and true friendships. I'm thankful I got to meet this group of friends. The camaraderie is a very strong plus point in pulling me back, especially so when the reason I left in the first place seems less and less attainable.
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Life's meant to be filled with obstacles. But what does the Lord see in me that I can handle all these obstacles one after another?? Each time I thought I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm thrown into another mess. Its mentally draining more than anything else.

When can I REALLY see the end of the tunnel??

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

2007-04-25T21:31:00.000+08:00

On several people's recommendation, I went to the library and picked up this book. It was engaging enough that I never book-hopped.

The book talks about very simple things, things we all know about but somehow eludes us nonetheless.. it talks about how everyone has a dream and destiny of their own. But during the course of searching for the dream, the obstacle-filled route often cause the individual to give up in despair or lose sight of their dream. It also talks about how one should follow the heart and not overrule the heart...

I really like the book. Certain paras make you stop and ponder over your own life. Nothing written in the book is new. But yet, it talks about things both you and I know very well, but has never been able to achieve them. It also describes how everything that happens around us is a sign. But it takes alot to be able to read those signs and interpret them.

Would recommend those who have never read the book to pick it up. However, wanted to highlight that the book incorporates some elements of religion in it. So, if you're really so adverse towards that, then you wouldn't want to read it. Really inspirational.

FOLLOW YOUR HEART FOR IT KNOWS BEST!!

Patience

2007-04-23T00:02:00.001+08:00

I had been frustrated of late, when things didn't turn out the way I want them to.. in all aspects of my life. I began questioning God, asking if He truly existed.

After the RCIA session last week, I began asking myself a lot of questions, questions which I had no answers at all. Why Catholicism of all denominations? Will I be ready to get baptized at the end of the 15 mths? Can I live with the fact that I will be the only in my family of a different faith? Would I end up being 'stranded' from my family? What got me started on this journey? I don't seem to recall what the miracles were... Will I have the perseverance to commit myself through the 15 mths? Questions, questions and more questions!!!! I felt that my head was about to explode anytime with the onslaught of questions. Lucky, Uncle Tim gave me some advice. In essence, it is "P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E". Just take a step at a time and rest assured that He will be there to take me through. I ought not to overburden nor over-worry at these early stages..

There're other things that were getting me really irritated and kicking myself over why there's jus no progress on those fronts. I've been very jumpy this entire week. Really bad mood. Just wanna apologize to whoever got the brunt from me this week. (I can't really apologize to them one by one since some of them were perhaps just strangers).

At the RCIA session earlier on, for the closing prayer, I was asked to read the Prayer for Guidance. When I read it, I was pretty taken aback. It was too apt for whatever I was going through right now. It just seems as though God was talking to me, telling me that He is always there, that I have to stop being so impatient for there will come a day when things will turn out the way they should be. Tears welled up in my eyes.

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Before the RCIA session, I had attended this Confirmation Mass for teens. The moment I stepped into Church, I could feel the joy that filled the place. Parents, Godparents, friends, Catechists... All of them were there to celebrate the joyous occasion where some 134 teens were confirming their faith. Presents galore.. flowers, teddy bears etc...

I felt all alone in a place filled with warmth. It got me thinking about the day when I might get baptized. For one, I believe the 3 frens whom I attend Church with will not leave me in the lurch on my baptism day. But who I really want to see is my entire family and that one special fren. I even conjured up that scene in my head. Will that happen? I have about another 12 mths to work on that. I have never brought it up to my parents that I am going through this Journey that will lead to me getting baptized (if I choose to do so) come next Easter.

I know worrying will get me nowhere.. actions speak louder than words.. I should sit my parents down some time soon..

Changes

2007-04-18T23:10:00.000+08:00

Overheard mum's conversation over the phone. *SHOCKED*!

Mum has quit her job. Her last day is 7 May. She couldn't stand the politics at her workplace.. so she quit.. lookin for a new job..

Feel really lousy that I still don't make enough for my parents to retire.. =\

Trip's end

2007-04-15T02:13:00.000+08:00

Been back for a week.. finally sorted and got my photos uploaded online.. here's the link if u're interested..

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2093510534&code=27460039&mode=invite&DCMP=isc-email-AlbumInvite

Just to summarise things..

Loves
1. the beach and boats of riviera
2. the beauty and history of provence
3. the snow-capped alps and 1st skiing experience
4. belgium chocolates
5. colorful tulips of amsterdam

Hates
1. dodgy marseille and being followed
2. limited train and bus services
3. language barrier
4. indeterminable delay of train service
5. sudden cancellation of train service

time always fly when u least want it to. much as i didnt wan the trip to end, i oso wanted to be back in sg..

I'm so excited for Kerk

2007-04-10T01:21:00.000+08:00

Just got news earlier on that Kerk's been selected for the JET program!!! He'll be headed for Japan, don't know when, don't know where.. but heck it. It's NihonLand!! Ahhhh!!! I'm so envious!! But that's not the route I would want to take at this moment...

He attributed part of his success to me, who kindly helped him edit the application essay. So, I get a free treat! He said I could choose anything I want, even if its expensive, its worth it. LoL. Looking forward to a really nice treat when he returns from Chicago in 2 days.

I can start planning my Japan trip already! I'll have a free guide who speaks Japanese.. =p

I somehow feel that I'm more excited then him. LoL.

Yoz Kerk, now you're one step closer to finding a Japanese gal!! Heehee.. Gambarimasu yo!!

Congratulations once again!! You made it pal!!

Out goes sucky work, out goes irritating boss!!

"Home" in London - Part 2

2007-04-07T10:35:00.000+08:00

CHAMONIX

After we left Provence, it was an 8-hr train ride to Chamonix-Mont Blanc. I love this place with the snow-capped mountains!! Its cold here, but not the windy kinda cold, but the icy kind.. much prefer it over the winds.. YF wanted to take this world's highest cable car, up 3,842m, where one can then see the French, Swiss and Italian Alps and so we went. We were the only 2 who looked completely out of place because everyone else were all geared up for skiing except us. The information at the base station says its -12 degrees up there... hmm... It was such a magnificent sight up there!! From the swiss alps, italian alps to the french alps.. all covered snow-covered with the tip of the peaks jutting above the clouds. The glorious sunshine and falling snow... Was I in heaven? LoL. We would have liked to stay longer if we weren't freezing, especially the feet and the hands. Moreover at the altitude, even the mere climbing of a couple of flight of stairs left us panting like crazy.

BRUSSELS

Parted ways with my cousin at Lyon. She flew back to London while I went on my way to Brussels. Was supposed to only wait an hour before my train departs, but the most wonderful thing happened. My train was delayed! I was trying to find out what happened, but the staff didn't speak English. Train was to be delayed for an indeterminable time. Oh great! I waited and waited. Luckily, there's a kind samaritan who speaks English and told me that he's catching the same train and will let me know when there's any news (all announcements at the station's in French as well). After 2.5 hrs, the train finally arrived at the station. There had been some rail accident, hence the delay. Still can't believe how unlucky I can get.

Yet another day spent on the train when it finally pulled into Brussels at 1130pm. I don't have a map on me and the tourist office is closed. I asked for directions but was told to take a cab instead at that hour for my own safety. I ventured to the metro station, but when I saw the people there, gave me the creeps, I turned back and paid for the cab to my hostel.

Haven't been able to find a single-sex dorm and since it was only for a night, I booked myself in a mixed dorm. I so startled the guy who was sleeping in there when I went into the room. LoL. He was probably shocked at seeing a gal walk into the room? A fellow asian whom I later met up with again in Amsterdam.

I only spent half a day sightseeing in Brussels and buying chocolates. However, granted that I still had 3 days in Amsterdam, I didn't wanna lug too many boxes of chocs around, I bought quite little. =\

My unlucky streak with the train continues. There're trains that leave hourly for Amsterdam from Brussels and its a 3hr journey. I had just bought the ticket in time to catch the 239pm train. Just before the train was due at the station, the screen showed that the train's been cancelled!! Arrghh!! I found out about it because of the commotion going on. No announcements made (at least not in a language I understood). Found out from some others that the train was jus cancelled, no reason given. Gotta wait another hour for the next one... 2 Japanese ladies came up to me thinking I was Jap, asking me about the train. I explained using my broken Japanese. Then I spent the next hour at the station, chatting with them. I'm so lousy. I've practically forgotten whatever I had learnt. Such a let-down to my senseis. The older lady kept telling me to be very careful in Amsterdam because they were there 2 weeks ago and got pick-pocketed. Also, she said that I've got to be extra careful because I look like a Japanese who are the typical targets since Japanese are thought to be rich. I like lookin like a Japanese, but never thought it would be a bane. But they sure managed to convince me about how unsafe and scary Amsterdam is.

AMSTERDAM

The moment I got out of the train station, I felt overwhelmed! It was so crowded!! Since it was already past 7pm, I quickly headed in search for my hostel which purportedly was right next to the red-light district. There were 2 Sri-Lankans with me because this couple had headed to Amsterdam without bookin their lodgin and given that it was a Saturday, it was near to impossible to find a reasonably priced hotel room, and they wanted to try their luck at the hostel I was staying at.

There were many Malaysians stayin in the same room as me. They all studied in UK. But strangely, I ended up finding company with 2 gals from Taiwan instead of the Malaysians, though there were 2 of them who were very nice as well. Very good practice session for my Mandarin, which has turned very rusty.

In a day, I managed to cover the museums I wanted to visit and also walked around the central area of the city. To this I thought, I'm going to be really bored over the next 2 days! I was initially afraid to venture into the red light district on my own, much less after dark. But got some disappointing news that made dampened my moods drastically and usually, I become very bold when I'm in a bad mood. Headed out of hostel and sat down at some random street side bar for a drink on my own. Then I walked into the red light district. To my dismay, it wasn't interesting at all. Just prostitutes standing behind the 'windows' waiting for business. The street was jam-packed with tourists. Really nothing so dangerous about it. And with all those scantily-clad women to look at, no one would come bother you at all. Of course, I didn't head into the dark alleys. Perhaps it was a different story in there, I ain't sure. Not daring to that extent.

The next morning, I visited all the markets in the city and burnt a huge hole in my pockets. Had to drag myself away from the markets because I was running dangerously low on euros. Its a blessing the markets don't accept credit cards. LoL.

Spent the afternoon at the Keukernhof Gardens, about an hour from Amsterdam. I love this place!! Just breathing in the fresh air makes you feel so good! Not forgetting the breathtaking sight of the colorful flowers! It was a pity I only found out about being able to bike out to the various fields instead of staying put in the park at the end of the day. Its a really nice place to sit back and relax with a cuppa, especially with the splendid weather.

I also paid a visit to the windmills the next morning. But the skies were overcast and it was cold. Nonetheless, the little town I went to was pretty and filled with tourists. Its good to travel in spring when the flowers bloom. Makes everywhere a pretty sight.

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After being alone for 4 nights, its time to return to the comforts of my cousin's apartment in London. These 5 days have been interesting, mainly contributed by the different people I met and spoke to along the way.

There's so much to see, learn and experience from every trip. These new experiences also makes you ponder long and hard over certain issues and look at things from a different light.

Going to fly back to Singapore in a couple of hours. Though I hate for my trip to end, but I really, really miss the people back home.

"Home" in London - Part 1

2007-04-04T15:36:00.000+08:00

Wow, time flies when you least want it to... Has it really been 15 days since I left Singapore?? Awww.. only 3 more days and I need to return to reality.. meh =\ The last blog was not left blank intentionally.. it was due to the lousy computer/internet which didn't allow me to type anything.. I <3 europe's internet! First-world country indeed!! (punt intended if you didn't understand)

It has been a really interesting trip thus far.. as we travelled along.. every region is so so different.. the experience and adventures were so varied!! Let me start from the very beginning...

THE JOURNEY
It took me a gruelling 24hrs before I finally met up with my cousin.. I didn't know how long the journey was going to take till I reached Nice, France, where my cousin was waiting for me. Flew KLM this time round... they serve very little food.. and food which I can't make out what it is.. had to transit at Amsterdam airport.. and sat there waiting with dreary eyes since my flight got in at 430am in the morn. Upon reaching Lyon, transferred to a train to get myself to Nice, but that's after I endured the cold for about 2 hrs at the station. Not a word of English. Everything's in french and I had to decipher what the remarks meant for my train.. Tried asking around.. but they don't speak ENGLISH!!! Arrghh.. stop being so proud! I believed I asked this policeman, he didn't speak English, couldn't help me and happily just walked away.. DUH!

FRENCH RIVIERA
We stayed 3 nights in Nice, French Riviera region. The B&B we stayed in was comfy and near the train station. Visited the usual sights in the region, Monte Carlo and Cannes and also the less heard of St-Paul-de-Vence (a tiny medieval town perched on a hill) and Grasse (a perfume town). This region is purely for R&R. Nice, Monte-Carlo and Cannes are all coastal areas, so just stroll along the beach and enjoy the uber cold sea gusts. There're countless boats in the Riviera region and in Monte-Carlo, the bulk of the cars on the streets are Bentleys, Merz SLKs, Ferraris... makes you feel like a pauper.. LoL.. I don't need to own a boat, but I really wanted to hop on one of those and make my way out to sea.. I miss being out at sea.. These places are also filled with endless streets of boutiques.. Shops don't open on Sundays though..

From Nice, we went on to Marseille and stayed for a night. Wrong choice. There's nothing much to see and we found the place shady. Paid for a 3* hotel that was worse than our B&B and our 1* hotel in the coming days. Even got followed by some crappy person..

PROVENCE
So happy to be leaving Marseille. Next stop Avignon in the Provence region where we stayed for 2 nights. The Provence region is rich in history having been through the religious war in the 16th century. Everything here dates back that long ago. Its a very lovely place and we ain't sure what event there was there, but everyone was at the Palais des Papes, eagarly waiting for someone's arrival.. We saw many groups of students as well, who're there on field trips since its their spring break.

Trying to get to the different towns in this region is a nightmare with the infrequent trains and bus and people who speak only french. Some places just cannot be reached by public transportation though.

We wanted to go to Arles, the town where Van Gogh stayed in for a period of time and where he painted the 'nuit etoile' as well. Got to the train station there, but waited for 1/2 an hour for the bus. I almost gave up and wanted to return to Avignon but the next bus back was in an hour's time. We didn't have much time in the town because we had to catch the next train, in order to make it to Aix-en-Provence. The transport costs a bomb! I felt to restricted by the train and bus timings that I wanted to rent a car to get around. But with the not so friendly road signs, I changed my mind. Save for the transport problems, Provence a really pretty place.

Was so glad we decided to take a day trip. We went to this town Orange ("or-hange) to marvel at the best preserved Roman theatre in Europe. I think that people in the pass were genius. How do you ever build anything that huge and grand without any modern day machinery? Just like the Great Wall of China..

Thereafter, we went wine-tasting. In France, the wines are labelled by the region thery're from and not identified by their grapes. Hence, we visited Chatenaeuf du Papes (means new castle of the pope) the famous wine region in France. How it got its name was when the Pope first arrived in Avignon, he was looking for a quiet place to build something like a 'summer home' and that was where the castle was built. There was an American couple with us this time round. We were all very perplexed by the stony vineyards and found out that the stones were meant to reflect sunlight in summer and keep the ground cool. All grapes in the region (or throughout France?) had to be hand-picked. This is a law. And so the wines all bear a A.O.C. chop on the bottle. Wines in this region are made from a mixture of 2-13 different types of grapes. Red wine can contain white grapes as well. I didn't know wine barrels are so expensive! 35,000-45,000 euros!!! 95% of the wine produced in this region is red, with the remaining 5% white. Due to the small quantity of white wine produced, they're never exported. As for the red, its mainly exported to UK and America, but the prices are exorbitant. Funny thing is, different barrels are used to store the grapes used for wines sold in the Europe and those in the US because of different taste preference. For the US, the barrels are a lot less costly. The most famous grape in the region is the Grenache (?) We tasted the 2004 and 2001 reds. The 2001 is good! I really like it! Its really smooth!! The American couple also loved the 2001. Its such a pity that because of the ban of liquids on board, none of us bought any.. [PS, I so wanted to buy a bottle for you! The one you can get in US will taste different from the one in France. Sigh.. no baggage space for that bottle. Will see if I can find it in London and whether its still reasonably priced]

Provence is also famous for its lavender. Apparently, real lavender (with only one flower) can only be found on the hills in provence. Those that you see along the roads or elsewhere in other countries are called lavendin (3 flowers) and can only be used to add fragrance to things like detergents.

Learnt alot from the time spent in Provence given that its richer in history.

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Stay tuned for more..

In Amsterdam.. but mood's been dampened

2007-04-02T03:04:00.000+08:00

2 days... 18 days

2007-03-19T22:16:00.000+08:00

First time I'm so UNPREPARED for a trip.. doesn't help that the weather is all warped, one moment its hot, another its cold.. and i'm traversing across areas of extreme temperatures.. makes packing a little tricky.. well, fingers crossed i don't end up as pretty snow(wo)man on the french alps! lol..

Due to fly in 2 days... i'm really excited and completely in holidae mood already.. despite my plans for the trip.. well, not much plans to speak of.. that's supposed to be part of the fun!! ^^

I'm glad i've cleared 98% of my work.. so i can enjoy in peace..

To all who've been telling me to BE CAREFUL and TAKE CARE since I'll be in SIN CiTY all on my own.. my first true experience of travelling alone.. thanx for the concern.. I'll definitely be very careful.. tink i'm more afraid than anyone of you are.. haha.. so will take extra care =) Lian, thx for offering to be my helpline shd anything crop up.. much appreciated.. remember to keep ur mobile near u ALWAYS!! hahah

stay tuned to my blog for short updates during my trip.. 18 days of enjoyment.. SHIOK!

Sleep, sleep, sleep

2007-03-09T21:55:00.000+08:00

*Yawnz* I'm so dead tired and the only light I see at the end of the tunnel is my trip.

Just concluded a deal 2 days ago, and immediately started working on another. This one's much more complicated and the timeline is so much tighter. Was suppose to deliver my 1st draft in 2 days, which I did with the help of my supe.. Working to finalise it over this weekend so that it can be delivered 'up' on Mon and obtain the requisite approvals for submission to the approving heads latest by Tues. Come Wed, presentation to these approving heads and to convince them to be on your side... Still wondering if I'm presenting or is supe presenting??

This is on top of the usual work that I have to do. I've got another 3 credit papers due on 20th as well. Haven started on any. Presentation of the REIT research is also on the 20th. Then its discussion of plans and ideas to hit the budget on 21st. MOST IMPT OF ALL, I'M FLYING ON 21st!!!!

Including the weekends, its a 'cool' 12 days till 21st. 1 deal, 3 papers, 1 presentation, 1 discussion.. Not forgetting I've yet to figure out about the part of my trip where I'll be travelling alone in Netherlands. Let's just hope I don't end up stranded on the streets and can make my way back to London in time to catch my flight home.. lol..

I was asked if I wanted to schedule another presentation on 21st.. I violently dismissed the idea, not when I'm so unprepared for my trip and really, I can't work overtime on 21st or I'm going to miss my flight. But looking at how things are progressing, more likely than not I'll have to take 21st afternoon off (die I need to go in to work in the morn) to settle all the last minute stuff for my trip, including packing or I'll feel damn miserable on an 18-day backpacking trip without the essentials..

Life is just so interesting. Everything has to happen at the same time.. Sleepless nites till I hop on the plane... lol... nw, here's the reason why I can sleep through a 13hour flight...
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On another note, I was super 'suay' (unlucky) today. The bus-stop is a good 10-min walk from my place and I usu have to wait about 7-10 mins for the bus. This morn, I happily waited at the bus-stop and just when the bus came, I realised my wallet's missinG!! I panicked! One, its a coach wristlet, two, I've got quite some cash in there, three, I have a receipt of 300 bucks to be claimed, four, all my cards are in there... So I took the 10-min walk (7 tis time cos I was running late for work) back home. Wallet stared at me from the table. Arrgghhh.. why so forgetful?? Another 7-min walk back to the bus-stop.

As usual, I slept on the bus... only difference, I almost went off to Timbaktu... I didn't manage to wake up like I always could.. Thankfully for the kind soul next to me who woke me up... I'm so grateful!!! By the time I got to office, 915am.. =\

A tad too adventurous!

2007-03-04T13:07:00.000+08:00

Goin on a holidae soon.. will be visitin the french riviera region, french alps, netherlands and finally ending my trip in london. 'Wow' is the most common reaction I've got from ppl who know about my impending trip. I'm certainly lookin forward to the trip!! The pretty scenery, the beaches, the wine, the snow, windmills, coloful flowers... not forgetting marijuana, lots of flesh on display...

I've always loved to travel and make it a point to travel once a year. But its realli realli difficult to find a travel companion. I used to travel with my mum, but backpacking trips just ain't for someone her age. So I turned to frens, but its either due to clash of dates or budget constraints. And best travel buddy is not based in the same continent as I am. I've grown weary of asking ppl if they wanna go on a trip together. Hence, I end up travelling on my own, sometimes for the entire trip, sometimes for part of the trip. Everyone says I'm really adventurous and daring.. but really, its just that I dun wan the lack of a travel khaki to ruin all travelling plans.. it would be such a waste! But it means the no. of white lies told just increase exponentially because my mum can never be allowed to find out!! Luckily its not that difficult to reassure my bro that I can keep safe even when alone..

Frankly, its not exactly any fun to travel alone unless u're really gregarious by nature and can chat up with anyone ard you and make acquiantances along the way. I admit that I'm no such person, so travelling alone sometimes end up really boring, because there's no one to share the joys and sorrows of the trip along the way. Each time I return from a trip, I always tell myself its going to be the last time I travel alone, but before I know it, I'm booked on my next trip, ALONE. *cold laughter*

This time round, I'll be in Brussels and Amsterdam on my own, for a total of about 5-6 days. Its also the first time where I'll be staying in a dormitory, including in a mixed dorm albeit for just 1 nite. Its certainly going to be a really different experience! Am a little worried with Amsterdam's reputation as SIN CITY, but at the same time, am looking forward to it as well.. My last trip to Europe, I had wanted to visit Amsterdam but all the negative comments kept me away. This time round, I'm not going to be bothered with these negative comments but rather see for myself what it really is like. Should it really be that terrible, well, I could cut short my stay, hop onto a train or plane and head back to London anytime.

Well, it does seem a tad too adventurous.. but stay tune for stories from my trip.. ^^

A very REAL reflection

2007-02-27T23:40:00.000+08:00

I can so picture what kind of life I'll lead should I really move out and live on my own..

My life this week, where ppl ard me are all out of town either for leisure or work, will be a very close reflection of what its like should I end up working overseas.

I stay late at work, and don't have the urge to go home. After work, what I want to do is to find some frens and head somewhere, anywhere, jus to chill... i jus dun wan to head straight home after work.. but there's no one to do that with me... frens ard here jus don't have this kinda past time..

I think I'll be a super workaholic if I'm working overseas. With no one at home, I don't have the urge to be home either... I would of course prefer hangin out to working, but I ain't the kind who can hang out alone, so I'll end up working.. its jus like using work to overcome the loneliness... was just lamenting to PS that there's nothing to do in SG in the evenings, but it later became that there's no one for me to be out with rather. We both reckon that its gonna to be real kewl if only we're not living in different continents, cause we'll have each other for company in the evenings.. well, either u come back or i move over.. tho i think the former is much easily achieved compared to the latter.. *heh* my parents shd be really happy to know that they are part of the reason why I wanna be home early everyday..

As it is, frens are amazed by my eating habits.. let me live alone, and u'll be even more amazed.. lol... but no worries, I haven got any eating disorders.. jus that meals will simply be anything I can find at home.. from instant noodles, milk, biscuits, fruits etc...

Its such a chore having to do all the household chores, especially the laundry! Everything in my house is hand-washed to which I always pity the washing machine for not being able to showcase its ability. But then again, it'll take very long before I can accumulate sufficient load to use the washing machine.

But at the end of the day, I still enjoy living alone.. no one to nag at you for living the nite as though its like day, for turning on the tv, computer and radio at the same time.. of course, life's a breeze with parents ard to take care of everything else in the house, but I believe I can do with learning to be independent in this aspect...

2 more days till parents are back from holiday..
18 days till fren's back from work..
21 days till my trip..

How true does it describe me?

2007-02-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

Was alittle bored and did one of those numerology tests, that yielded the result below..

"You are a romantic and an optimist at heart, with a great appreciation for life and all of its pleasures and beauty. Your gifts are imagination, inspiration, the ability to dream and to create. Your natural generosity, big-heartedness,and good humor wins you many friends. You have an inner joy and buoyancy which enables you to encourage and bring hope to others. However, some consider you unrealistic and naive, for you are drawn to the bright side of life and avoid the dark or difficult aspects of people and situations as much as possible. You do seem to attract more than your share of the good things in life. Comfort and ease come naturally to you. You are a very social creature and you especially enjoy being with creative, playful, spontaneous people. Theatre, dance, music, and other expressive arts have a strong appeal for you. Your weaknesses may include laziness, lack of discipline, and impracticality."

Pretty accurate I would say. Any comments?

too self-restrained?

2007-02-20T12:29:00.000+08:00

I was told that I'm too self-restrained and that shouldn't be the case. I ought to speak up and say whatever I want to say, whatever I have to say. I suppose the statement holds certain truth in it but for this observation to have come from someone whom I don't have much contact with.. I begin to wonder.. Is this such an obvious trait of mine that makes it so easily identifiable??

Then again, I start thinking about the difference between self-control and self-restrain. How do you draw the line between these? I always thot I was jus exhibiting self-control but apparently it doesn't appear to be so to others.

Take for example when I'm out drinking with friends. Does the fact that I don't drink till I'm high/drunk like most other friends do make me a self-restraining individual? Rather the truth is I can't get high. The moment I have more drinks than what I can handle, I get drunk, the kind where I'll puke then sleep. So, I don't go over my limits simply because I've witness the unsightly scene of girls puking all over themselves and their friends having to pick up after them. Of course friends have told me its alright to get drunk once in a while, since everyone's just out to have fun. I know that and I've certainly been drunk before, just not with this grp. Another matter is that alcohol make me feel so much more 'sober' and aware of my own feelings and thoughts after imbibing one too many drinks... you just lose all will to suppress those hidden feelings.. the result is either you end up partyin like someone who's crazy in order to drown those or you just break down crying.. I've done both before, and enjoyed neither.. So in a way, I feel that I am just exhibiting self-control yet on the other hand, suppressing of feelings make tink its self-restraining...

There was an incident lately that caused a misunderstanding between 2 frens. Certain thoughts crossed my mind but I din want to pursue these and get to the bottom of the matter because whatever the truth might be, it isn't something I would want to know. Hence, my decision was not to complicate matters and stay out of the entire episode. However, the someone told me that I'm too self-restrained once again. Both are my friends, I only wished for the misunderstanding to somehow be forgotten over time, than to have the truth throw some unknown surprises at me! I have to take a neutral stance and cannot take sides since both are my friends and rather than jeopardizing my friendship with either one, what I hope to achieve is to help reconcile the 2 of them. By not having an opinion makes me a self-restrained individual?

Perhaps those ain't very good examples. I see myself as self-restrained especially when I'm with my colleagues. I don't talk much because I ain't sure when and what I say is not going to sit well with anyone. Not to say my colleagues are such sensitive people but just that its really different compared to being in my ex-firm. My current environment is probably a much better reflection of what a workplace is like. I haven't learnt the art of communicating the way I should in such an environment, hence I choose to watch and learn and progress slowly. My colleagues can call me quiet for all they like but it beats having them repeat all the stories for decades to come.

Yes, I am self-restrained. There are a lot of things which I don't say simply because of FEAR. Not knowing what will happen after I say certain things, I just simply don't say them or just state the opposite. That's just the silly side of me at work. Sometimes, I think too much of what the outcome might be and not wanting to be faced with a negative result, I keep things to myself. I really ought not to be like this, since you never know the outcome till you've tried. Moreover, life is too short for regrets. What if the outcome is good instead? This is something which I have to do something about... so do tell me when I'm too self-restrained and remind me constantly k!

Its been said that only true friends are frank to you. I've found another true fren =)

Friends... losing them

2007-02-18T01:18:00.000+08:00

Lately, I've been feeling that its getting more and more difficult to sustain all my friendships.. I'm not sure who has changed.. issit me or issit them? It doesn't help that there are external factors at play breaking up those strong friendships forged.

We used to be a grp of 4, hanging out together almost every other week.. A misunderstanding caused a strain between 2 and left the other 2 clueless at how to help resolve the tension... I really enjoy the camaraderie amongst us.. and this is the best chill-out grp.. everyone's easy-going.. now friday nites will never be the same again.. i dun have the slightest idea how long it will take for the air to clear up..

Was out with a couple of really close galfrens but i felt displaced.. i wasn't keen in their chat topics and neither were they with mine.. we had earlier arranged a gathering with some others on cny's eve, but one of them decided to change her mind.. followed by another and naturally the 3rd one as well.. when the 1st changed her mind, i was pretty upset and disappointed.. it ain't the first time this has happened.. thereafter whatever I said was filled with sarcasm.. i tried to restrain myself, and only calmed down after a while..

真是我变了吗？有时候真的还蛮讨厌自己的。。

现在心情真得很差很差。。只想静静的坐着，一面听着音乐、望着夕阳西下，一面喝着酒。。好想好想登上油轮在那无边无际的海洋上漂泊。。

为何心情总是如此低落？又再次起了那想逃离这地方的念头。。

这是命运的宽容还是另一次不怀好意的玩笑？真的真的很累了。。

The Journey Begins

2007-02-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

After attending mass on a regular basis for about a year, I finally began my RCIA journey. Its about time I started to find out more and gain a deeper understanding of the faith. Its going to be a 15 month commitment and I have no idea if I will be able to last through the whole period, but I believe His Lord's grace will be upon me, to give me the strength and also the occassional push to keep me going. I'm really thankful for Joyce gladly agreed to be my sponsor. Its also going to be a long drawn journey for her to have to be there with me through the 15 months. I feel bad for having to occupy her sunday evenings in this manner =\

I've been asked countless times why I turned to Christianity, and in particular, Catholicism. I ain't able to give any concrete reasons but will state what led me in this direction cos I know that if I don't, couple years down the road, I would've clean forget about them.

Back then, I was down and out. Life was at the lowest it could get. I just needed to find peace. Also, I had lost my direction. I no longer knew what was my purpose on Earth. Hence, I turned to Christianity. All along, I had wanted to find out more about this religion because I was intrigued by it. The weekly mass allowed me to find the peace I seek. I was told that I could have found that in any other religion, not necessarily Christianity. But I was led in that direction and I followed.

How it all began? My lack of understanding of the religion was perhaps the reason that led to my life being thrown into a mess. So I resolved to find out about the religion. I asked around. I had a weird dream one night. I dreamt of the book "A purpose driven life". The one in my dream was a pure white copy. (don't tink it exists) The next day, SX told me about the book and offered to lend me her copy if I wanted to read it. I never knew of the existence of such a book and had also made no mention of my dream to anyone. For a whole week, my dreams were all pure and white. Subconciously, according to my friend, I had gone to work dressed in white that entire week. Perhaps I was so desperate in searching for serenity, purity, calm and peace that even the images conjoured up in my dreams were as such.

I've visited many Churches, so why Catholicism, why OLPS? Frankly, I ain't sure if I truly agree with the Catholic doctrine as compared to that of the other Christian denominations. But the feel I get is that Catholicism emphasies more on the family unit and I feel really at ease when in Church, even when I have to attend mass on my own. No offence to anyone, but sometimes I feel that some of the Churches are more like a gathering place for young people.

My learning has kinda stagnated since I couldn't really comprehend the Gospel on my own. Some of the things done during mass, I also don't understand its significance. I know RCIA will enrich me in alot of ways, whether or not eventually I choose to get baptised. This is one thing I like about the Catholic Church. They put you through a long course, to give you the time to understand before you make a deicision on whether to get baptised or not.

Thus far, Christianity has had positive effects on me. The weekly reflections really allow me to identify my own short-comings and address them. I've also learnt to be more tolerant and have been more able to curb my short-temperament. The most significant lesson I've learnt: "LOVE OTHERS JUST AS JESUS LOVES YOU". This include loving your enemies, loving people who have done you wrong.

鸭子，dodo bird, 乌龟，海龟

2007-02-02T23:32:00.000+08:00

The gathering of the 'famous 4'! LoL. Weird names? Dun ask me why. Can't really recall how the nicks came about... ...

Some background.. 乌龟 and 海龟 used to sit behind 鸭子 and dodo bird back in sec school and they never failed to irriate one another by being super 鸟！It all started from 海龟, and the 'skill' got passed on to the others, with 鸭子 emerging as the top disciple. Since then, 海龟 stepped down and passed the throne over to 鸭子. All the 鸟-ing binded these 4 frens, even up till today...

Its been a while since all 4 of us gathered. It was so great that 乌龟 managed to join us for supper. The moment we saw her, we all had the same thought, 乌龟 had the Sammi Cheng's seh, because of the color of her hair. But 乌龟 had violent objections about this comparison since she relates Sammi to techno songs, something which certainly doesn't appeal to her. She protested, and protested. Lol.

We'd all tamed down quite a lot where 鸟-ing was down to an all-time low. Perhaps we've all grown up and matured. A good sign. Heh.

An enjoyable evening, managed to vent all the pent up anger in me and felt so much better after. Only thing was that I seemed to have eaten a little too much, to the extent that I wanted to puke! Binge Binge Binge. Gotta stop. Gained so much weight that I'm so disgusted at myself already.. Arrghhhh!

1st biz trip - KL

2007-01-29T23:25:00.000+08:00

Was to fly into KL on the 1st flight for a meeting at 9am. A check with a fren from KL, there's no way I can reach the client's office by 9am given that my flt only touch down at 745am bcos of the terrible jam. But supe said he doesn't want to fly in on Sun nite and stay a nite there. I seriously would rather do that. Then I wouldn't have to wake up at the unearthly hour of 430am.

To begin with, I don't even know if I slept. I went to bed at about 1130pm. But I tossed and turned, not used to going to bed so early. Frustrated, I got up at 130am. Tried to relax and go back to sleep, but its really difficult. Didn't help that mum woke me at 4am.

Blurry-eyed, I left for the airport. Since the flight's only an hour, no breakfast was served. The nice colored sky was the only reward in the early morning...

The jam was horrendous, such that we arrived an hour late for the meeting. In fact, by the time we got there, the meeting was drawing to a close already. To which I felt, why in the world did we fly there for? Attended the meeting on an empty stomach... *growl*

After that, we visited the office of an associate and the branch. That dragged on and when I finally got a chance to eat/drink, it was already 1pm. A good 8 hours had passed with me not having touched any food/drink. I don't recall being on a hunger strike?!?!

Spent the rest of the afternoon going to 2 malls. Apparently, supe was supposed to explain why they were flops, but well, key word used was "SUPPOSED"... Hmm... I really don't get the purpose of the trip.. the only thing I appreciated was being out of the office and I had time to do a little shopping.

But this trip did make me realise one thing. I do know what I want to do already and am striving towards that right now. I certainly don't want to remain in my current employment for more than another 6 months..

‘爱’

2007-01-25T00:47:00.000+08:00

老鼠对猫说我爱你。猫说你走开。

老鼠流着泪走开，但谁也没看见老鼠走后，猫也留了一滴泪。

其实有总爱叫放弃。

人善变的是脸，男人善变的是心。

在爱情的世界里，没有谁对不起谁，只有谁不懂得珍惜谁。

不要轻易说‘爱’，许下的承诺，就是欠下的债。

要抓紧爱情，而不是伤害彼此的感情。

乌龟与海龟

2007-01-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

That's the nick of Aki and myself, given to us back in sec sch days cos of the farni animal noises that we often make during moral ed classes. We'd been classmates for e 4 yrs in DHS and often hanged out together. Being in the same faculty in college allowed us to continue keeping in touch though the frequency dropped greatly. When we went on to uni, we hardly met up anymore. Fortunately, we're those who can pick up from where we left of and that we've got numerous similar interests.

We both like Jap, dance, sing ktv, eat fried food, can go crazy abt chasin idols (but i'm nowhere near aki's level of craziness, heh), watchin dramas like there's no tomorrow... Sometime back, we bumped into each other at the language school, and had time to exchange a few liners each time. I also decided to take up dance, which I had procrastinated for so long.. aki's already been taking lessons for the past 2 years! Loooonggg way for me to catch up.. she's also my supplier of korean dramas... all these gave us the opportunity to re-find the strong friendship that we once shared...

Today, we met each other at a seminar.. we realised the other person's existence at the very same moment! so coincidental!! Lunch was 2 hours long, so we went over to Forum to 'walk, walk'. Nothing much there, except for all the shops catered towards young children. We went into a shop that sells children's books. We especially liked those with stickers where u've got to stick them on the various pages of the book. (we like them even now!) So there you have, 2 adults, but yet behaving like kids, LoL. The moment we stepped out of Forum, we caught a whiff of something very delicious and wondered what that might be? I offered that its fried food, then reckoned that it came from Old Chang Kee. aki quickly added, "its the fried sotong head!!" We then went on and on about how we both love the super unhealthy fried food. LoL. We wanted to get some, but then again, we were so stuffed after the many rounds of buffett we had for lunch. Oops.. felt like such a glutton! =p

We both missed the days when we were young, when life was much more carefree..

I'm really happy today, to know that our friendship is still as strong as before. Despite having lost touch momentarily during the couple of years in uni, we managed to pick things up from there and we still have so much in common, so much to share! =)

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乌龟，一切顺其自然吧。以你的聪明与智慧，你肯定能克服一切困难。不要给自己那么大的压力。你行的！有朝一日，你会找着你的方向的！两年的时间的确不容易碍。。你要想清楚后再作决定哦！但无论你的决定是么，我会一直在旁支持你的!

Spooky

2007-01-20T23:54:00.000+08:00

Spooky

In the cool of the evening
When everything is getting kind of groovy
You call me up and ask me
Would I like to go with you and see a movie?
First I say no, I've got some plans for tonight
And then I stop and say all right
Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little boy like you

You always keep me guessing
I never seem to know what you are thinking
And if a girl looks at you
Its for sure your little eye will be a-winking
I get confused, I never know where I stand
And then you smile and hold my hand
Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little boy like you
Spooky

If you decide some day to stop this little game that you are a-playing
I'm gonna tell you all the things my hearts been a-dying to be saying
Just like a ghost youve been a-haunting my dreams
But now I know you're not what you seem
Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little boy like you
Spooky

Ahh, ahh, spooky, mmm, spooky, ahh, ahh, ahh, spooky, ooh, spooky
Ahh, aah, aah, spooky

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The spooky little boy sent me this song.. and it really 'spooked' me, cos the song's a lil too apt...

Monday 'Blues'

2007-01-19T21:37:00.000+08:00

Monday tiz week was great! time passed so fast without me doin anything much. As usual, spent the morning clearing all the administrative work and in the afternoon, it was off to the law firm for legal documents negotiation. A&G's office offers a splendid view!! We were on the highest level (30th), in the Board Room and sat facing the great expanse out there. I always wished I had a home and office with this kinda view. It allows you to feel relaxed and calm rather than jumpy and irritated.

Meetin began at 230pm. Not long after it started, my supe was feelin bored too (I thought I was the only one who didn't really catch anything, but he wasn't paying attention as well). He started whispering to me, "the view is really great! you can even see the DHL hotair balloon going up and down". I had to try really hard to keep a straight face. I hadn't noticed the balloon. Just goes to show how much attention he was paying at the meeting. As usual, I began drawing and scribbling at the documents, adding so much color to a black and white piece. LoL.

Slowly, the sky became overcast, visibility slowly decreased and it started pouring very heavily. My supe mumbled, "wa" and it so tickled me. He must really be bored to tears, like me. I think the people sitting across from me must be thinking that I am out of my mind, trying so hard to contain my laughter by biting my lower lip.

The meeting went on and on and on.. finally at 730pm, it was adjourned to be continued another day. 5 hours worth, and I ain't sure if I even understood an hour of what had transpired. Lawyers speak so softly. I could hardly hear.

I had thought of going back to the office, but my supe said he wasn't, so I reconsidered and decided to go off as well. Thought there will be a class gathering, but it ended up a separate one. The guys were at KTV while the gals at YF's place. It has been a while since I joined them as I used to have dance classes on Monday evenings. I miss dance, but no class starting as yet. =\ Watched TV and chit-chat. HX had just gotten married the day before and YF (the only one invited from our class) went on and on about how much effort she had put in for her wedding and how great her hubby is. Congrats gal!! I believe her hubby must be really wonderful cos since JC, she has always had a set of uber high criteria. Next up will be Drin. Her weddin is scheduled in Jan 08 and she has certainly began her preparations. She too, I believe will spend a lot of effort on her wedding. Gracie seems like she's starting to prepare as well, looking for a house. Topics revolved around wedding preparations. Got a little bored after a while cos I can't relate to the topic... An earth shattering news was shared right at the end with lots of disclaimers and which left us all thinking hard... ...

要是时间能倒转，你想回到过去的何时呢?

2007-01-14T10:41:00.000+08:00

Was reading Aki's blog and this question struck me. Should one day, an angel comes by granting you the opportunity to turn back the clock, when would you turn it back to? Or to begin with, would you want to turn back the clock?

I wanna be greedy and request for the clock to be turned back to various times such that I can choose again, and of course, pick the opposite of what I have chosen, so that the outcome will be different from what it is now. Sounds like I'm unhappy with things right now? Not unhappy, but just felt that things might have been better if I had elected otherwise at various points of my life.

Looking back, I wonder why I made those decisions back then. One day I will know the reasons, but right now, I can't comprehend my own decisions... and I just feel that life sux... from the choice of schools, to the choice of course of study and many other personal decisions... Then again, I was posed this question, "won't life just be an empty shell if everything turned out the way you wanted and you're happy with everything else?" I won't call it an empty shell, but its just part of me, chasing after a fantasy world, without all the harshness of reality. Perhaps its all due to the over-protective environment I have grown up in. But what's so bad about having everything turn out the way you want it, without you having to go through all the pain and hurt when u fall, and drain yourself of all energy and life trying to stand up again. Worse happens when after you fall, you can no longer stand.

Of course, looking on the flip side, it is the ups and downs that enables us to mature and become wiser, so that we won't make the same mistakes once more.

Suppose my mood is greatly affected by the weather. It has been gloomy, with loads of precipitation... needa find my direction in life quick or I'll just continue to 'disintegrate' and waste myself away...